Happy New Year

By Mr. John Lennon, CBE:

So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young.

A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The road is so long

And so Happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight.

A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so Happy Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young.

A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

War is over!
If you want it
War is over!
War is over, Now!

The rain, rain, rain came down, down, down

No, I'm not going to do that. This is a snapshot of our electronic diary world. It's paradoxical how educators believe through various studies that the American literary rate is falling, yet the number of personal blogs is rising. Admittedly, some of them are a tough read but many range from entertaining to scary to just plain naughty. They're kind of fun.

BTW, I like scanning blogs for the baby pictures. Some are so damn cute.

It's been raining like a son-of-a-gun out there since yesterday. If you see a guy in an ark floating by, stop pointing and laughing and get on board. Per the Weather Service as of 5:35 AM:

HEAVY RAINFALL WILL CONTINUE THROUGH THIS AFTERNOON ACROSS EASTERN CALIFORNIA AND WESTERN NEVADA. RAINFALL TOTALS THUS FAR ARE 4 TO 7 INCHES IN THE SIERRA NEVADA WITH 1 TO 2 INCHES IN THE RENO AREA. TOTAL RAINFALL AMOUNTS BY SATURDAY AFTERNOON WILL BE 6 TO 10 INCHES IN THE SIERRA WITH 1.5 TO 3 INCHES IN RENO AND SPARKS. SNOW LEVELS REMAIN NEAR 8000 FEET...WITH SIGNIFICANT RUNOFF EXPECTED TO CONTINUE THROUGH THIS AFTERNOON. SNOW LEVELS WILL FALL TO NEAR 5000 FEET LATE SATURDAY WHEN RUNOFF IS EXPECTED TO DECREASE.

Crappy night. Gonna have to find a doctor today because I've got the usual (and annual) symptoms of the good ol' nasal and ear infections. And I finished two weeks of antibiotics that probably didn't do anything more than mask the symptoms. Happy New Year.

We'll hear the highlights of 2005, but, oy!, did the year suck is so many ways. Fortunately, idiots kept us sane. Here's some sports stories that may have not caught your attention.

Resolutions...in no particular order:
- Lose more weight
- Get a job that matters
- Get a handle on the credit card bills
- Be less whiny (see above)
- More bike riding!
- Behave...try to behave...pretend to behave...ah, whatever

I'll be happy to get any one of those.

Been mulling over the death penalty thing some and have come to realize that my thoughts have evolved as I've got older.
- When I was teenager, it was "kill them all and let God sort them out."
- In my twenties, exceptions to every rule (spouse abusers and "The Burning Bed").
- In my thirties, the issue smacked up side the head when my sister was convicted.
- Now in my forties, I teach convicted murderers.

Don't get me wrong: there are people walking the planet who should be talking to God face-to-face and explaining their sins, but on the whole, the current judicial system of trial and conviction is so riddled with political and personal agendas, it's a given that people being executed by the government who could very well be innocent of their crimes. At the moment, I support a ten-year ban on capital executions until every death row inmate's case is reviewed objectively and the weight of full forensic science has been brought to bear (DNA testing of evidence). Maybe by the time the ban is over, we'll understand that murder in all forms is holding us back as a society and a species.

Returning to the literary theme for a moment, according to the Mirriam-Webster, these 2005 ten most looked-up words on their website are:
1. integrity
2. refugee
3. contempt
4. filibuster
5. insipid
6. tsunami
7. pandemic
8. conclave
9. levee
10. inept

Just for fun...

"The inept Republican congressional conclave, attempting to steer contemptuous public scrutiny from their insipid attempts to provide support to the refugees of the New Orleans levee breaks and the Indonesian tsunami disaster, tried to pass a billion-dollar funding effort to block the bird flu pandemic, but the Democrats, on an integrity bender, blocked the bill with a filibuster."

It's a little wordy. I bet Aunt Lilly could cut it down.

And this is for her. Guess who this is from his days as a Kansas City Royals prospect?

I Have A Cold

Feel blah.

Is Folgers In Your Cup?

Woke up achy and sniffly and wondering if I'm getting a cold. Got the green tea drink and germ killing spray close at hand.

Came back to work early because I wasn't accomplishing anything at home and I don't want to burn leave time that may be needed down the road. Who knows who's going to need surgery next? (not a joke)

Cartoon City is a strange little town, probably like most towns. It tries to be sophisticated yet not lose it's "Old West" charm (if it had any to begin with). The fact of the matter is it's a redneck town and probably always will be one.

Jeff Foxworthy defines "redneck" as someone with a "glorious lack of sophistication." In Carson City, you will find parking lots of full of Escalades, Mercedes Benzes, and other high-end vehicles...out in front of the local Wal-Mart. On any given day, you will see a Labrador Retriever in the back of a pick-up truck speeding down the main street and the poor dog has a veterinarian’s cone collar around its neck (think about the wind factor in the collar). In this town you will find a beautiful blue Porsche with a Nevada license plate duct-taped to the fender.

Why anyone voluntarily lives here is beyond me (and I've lived here nearly twenty years).

Stationary bike at the gym:
Distance: 5.9 miles
Time: 25:00 minutes
379 calories burned

I Wanna Walk Like You

Just got out of King Kong, a movie about a behemoth who takes over an entire city and wins a pretty girl's heart despite his monstrous features and animal-like feeding frenzies.

But enough about Peter Jackson. (ba-da-bump)

The story is deeply embedded in our culture and probably predates Victor Hugo's Hunchback of Notre Dame, where Beauty tames and destroys The Beast, so this is probably not needed.

Spoilers Below......

Here's what I thought of the 2005 King Kong:

- Movies about giant apes are made for the big screen. This is worth the money and hassle of going to the theater.

- IMDb says the movie is 187 minutes long, but it seems much longer. Since we all know what's going to happen, they could have easily cut some plot exposition and tightened up scenes and dialogue. By the time they got to the stinking island, I felt I was on that boat for years, probably the intent of the moviemakers.

- Naomi Watts is believable as the chimp's girlfriend, but not a stage entertainer (again, probably the intent).

- And there was a lot more chemistry between Kong and Watts than Watts and Adrian Brody, but I blame the director for that. There was a small sense of hotness between the humans that never got explored.

- Has Brody's nose always been that crooked? The big screen makes it appear like it's more on the left side of his face than the right.

- No one today could have played the demented, neurotic movie director/producer Carl Denham better than Jack Black. I got the sense he was channeling Peter Jackson.

- The CGI was good, notably some of the Brontosaurus stampede. Other moments were pretty weak, especially Kong in the water and inserting the actors into the stampede ("What am I running from?"). By the time he climbed the Empire State Building, I'd forgotten Kong was a CGI model on top of actor Andy Serkis (Gollum of LoTR fame).

- The Empire State Building scene is a heart breaker.

- If you're afraid of heights like me, this movie will drive you nuts.

- Evan Parke plays the first mate. When Black and Brody are developing the script onscreen, they talk about the death of the first mate in their movie-within-the-movie. I started counting the minutes until Parke's character died.

- There is no ship that could take the battering of the Venture and stay afloat, but it's a movie, so blah blah blah.

- Haven't watched Jurassic Park in a while, but it doesn't look like the CGI technology has evolved in the twelve years since, notably when displaying Mr. T. Rex (even three of them in a fight scene). Goes to prove JP was far ahead of its time.

- How did the movie makers get away with the horrible stereotypes during the Times Square stage scene at the end? Yes, the movie was set in the early 1930s, and it was all meant as a homage to the original 1933 film, but still...

- Kyle Chandler brought nothing to his role which is okay. He was playing a two-dimensionable actor with questionable screen skills and Chandler couldn't show his acting chops off much, anyway. Hopefully this role will lead to others where folks can see his range.

- Bugs. I hate bugs. And this movie has BIG, ugly, scary, ravenous bugs. There were people in the audience moaning and crying out loud. And the rumor is gigantic spiders were cut from the final version because they were too gross. They could have left them in. Nobody would have noticed any difference.

And not having to do with the movie:

Lady, if your kid is coughing up a lung, don't take him to a movie through the pouring rain. Everyone there could hear his clogged lungs. Get him to a doctor. The poor thing was suffering. And besides, he was too young to be in that movie theater.

Randomly Spewing

Woke up at 3:00 AM and am wide awake. Good thing I don't have to go to work. This is just a bunch of stuff thrown into a pot and mixed together for fun.

Briefly mentioned the traffic stop of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria in an earlier blog. As always, the media failed to publish everything, so the the officer's report can be found at the above link. The last sentence on page two reads, "Also during the stop, a group of AP's [Arrested Person; Tony Parker] entourage began to berate and provoke the officers at the scene."

Had a good night last night. Spent some quality dinner time with the family and went shopping. It was nice.

Long ago, in a place far away, there was a tradition in the house to read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" on Christmas Eve. Those days are past, but thank God there's the twisted humor of the internet:

Twas the Night Before Christmas, by Clement Clarke Moore

A Redneck Christmas

The Night Before Chanukah

The Night Before Christmas -- on the Tardis by Siobahn Morgan

Politically Correct Version of 'The Night Before Christmas'

Twas a Florida Christmas

Twas the Night Before Christmas (Legal Version)

Twas the Night Before Implementation

Twas the Nocturnal Segment of the Diurnal Period

The Al Bundy Christmas from the old TV show, "Married With Children".

Bad Asian Proverbs:
- Man who run in front of car get tired.
- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Man who scratches backside should not bite fingernails.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
- Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
- Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
- Man who breaks wind in church sits in own pew.
- Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

Worst Blonde Joke ever:
Blonde’s Year In Review:
January: Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February: Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels... "Hel-o"... bottles won't fit in a typewriter.
March: Got excited... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... box said "2-4 years!"
April: Trapped on escalator for hours... power went out.
May: Tried to make Kool-Aid... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
June: Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July: Lost breast-stroke swimming competition... learned later, other swimmers cheated - they used their arms.
August: Got locked out of car in rainstorm... car swamped, because top was down.
September: Lost a TV quiz show. The capital of California is "C"... isn't it?
October: Hate M&M's... they are so hard to peel.
November: Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108.
December: Couldn't call 911... "duh"... there's no "eleven" button on the phone.

Robert Heinlein is my favorite author. Here's his Rules for Writing:
1. You must write.
2. You must finish what you write.
3. You must refrain from rewriting, except to editorial order.
4. You must put the work on the market.
5. You must keep the work on the market until it is sold.

And then there's Groucho Marx: I find television quite educational. Every time someone turns on the tv, I go into another room and read a good book.

You can get a lot of internet browsing done in the middle of the night. :-)

Another Day

Found on my desk this morning:

"I had a lot to say to you

Then I realize I didn't

What you did was so underhanded and handled
so poorly that I cannot conceive it.

You treat me like a teenager, and worse, you
treat me like I don't matter enough to talk
to when it actually matters. I have tried
for the past months to treat you as an
adult and be civil, although you
often do not (and have not)
returned the favor.

Treat me as a teenager all you like-- I won't play
along. I'm not interest in playing your
games. I will, however, communicate
in your chosen mention-- meaning,
of course, not to your face.

Th car was given to me. You had no
right to 'un-give' it to me.

Please don't try speaking to me. No excuse
you will have will interest me, not will the
way you will try to martyr yourself
and insist that I'm the one acting
like a child.

You have behaved wrongly and immaturely.
Learn from this and don't do it again. I
will not forgive you and I will not
forget, and perhaps in time, I
will regain some of the
respect for you that
I have lost."

Snow and Rain in the Mountains

In a mood right now about Corporate America. Went to the insurance company to get proof of insurance for the truck and they said my policy was cancelled in 2003. WTF! I gently and patiently asked the keyboard pounders behind the counter, "Who have I been paying for insurance since then? And when I forgot one month earlier this year, who called me to tell me I was late?" I watched them fumble around for thirty minutes, then told them I call them back and left.

Took this short week off from work to have some quality time with the daughters. It didn't quite work out that way, but that's cool. We all have our own lives and they intersect from time to time. My Christmas present is everyone is home and not in the hospital.

I managed to get Trina's PSP hooked up to the wireless modem. Let's not discuss how long it took and how many emails I had to send to tech support. The point is it is done. So there.

In other news that doesn't matter to the 1.5 billion citizens of the PROC, not to mention the other 4.5 billion inhabitants of this Big Blue Marble, my Yahoo! fantasy football team finished in first place for the season. In earlier blogs, I said I had abandoned the team earlier in the year because I thought the players I got in a random draw...sucked...really sucked.

Then Carson Palmer (CIN) and Shaun Alexander (SEA) went and had MVP years, and the Bears defense rediscovered itself. With a overall record of 13-3, let's give it up for the Carson Wolverines, champions of Yahoo League 67799.

(My "real-life" OFFL team crashed and burned and finished with a horrible record this year, though not bad enough to get Reggie Bush in next year's draft, but let's not talk about that. :-) )

There are a lot of good sports stories out there this year to negate the bad taste left by steroids, T.O., and the loss of an NHL season (they are playing again, aren't they?). Since I'm a baseball guy, IMO the best story was about a ball team that came out of nothing and won their first World Series since the early part of the Twentieth Century. The excellent White Sox pitching staff will be fodder for discussion for decades and their manager kept all of his players focused on winning. The first series of the post-steroid era may have been a television ratings yawner, but it will serve as a model for teamwork for years to come.

And I almost picked Lance and Numero Sept because I wanted to say, "Hey, Pierre and Jacque, you STILL haven't won the Tour De France in over twenty years. In that time, Americans have won it 10 times (merci beaucoup, Monsieurs LeMond and Armstrong). If you're gonna expend all that energy bitching, you ain't gonna to win for another twenty years. Please get over yourselves."

Went to the gym and dialed up the settings on a stationary bike, so the calories below are not right, but the bikejournal's calorie counter doesn't have a lot of flexibility.

Distance: 3.1 miles
Time: 20:00 minutes
123 calories burned

It's 1 AM Somewhere - That Would be Right Now

Staying up late...just because. I took the week off and am now pretending that I don't have a bedtime. I'm not tired. Really.

Randomly sampling blogs on Blogger and seeing all happiness out there from the holidays. Lots of cute kids and babies, and the American belief in consumerism is alive and well. It is the fuel that feeds the fire of the Greatest Nation in the History of Mankind.

And you have to be darn careful when sampling blogs because one out of ten will drop some unfriendly software on your PC. I installed a lot of spyware protection on the laptop, so the worst that happens is the darn thing freezes up when trying to repel boarders. It's a small price to pay.

Speaking of which, there are millions of us out there, trapped in a demon cycle of yummy-type calories and empty promises to ourselves. Pass the celery and try not to look down upon us too much. (God, I have got to buy some cajones.)

Among this year's gifts was season two of Scrubs, a medical show with a twisted sense of humor. Bob the Blog says it's worth five cherry pies, my highest rating. Check it out.

Finally found out what happens at Band Camp. I will never, ever speak or hear of it again. Ever.

Happy Boxing Day!

Just a lazy day here in Cartoon City. The streets are deserted, being a State holiday and all. Woke up to snow on the ground, which like the last storm, was not previewed in the forecast at all. The weather pukes around here need better skills at issuing CYA-type forecasts so we're not surprised so much.

Got some good exercise of the last couple of days and now feeling all twitchy. Will probably do something about that later.

Random thoughts:

- Slowly coming to the belief that government-sanctioned murder is wrong, be it via lethal injection or smart bomb. It's not that I don't deeply appreciate and care for those who will do violence on our behalf. The whole idea just doesn't seem to mix with the idea of social evolution.

- And my firm stand on abortion is a million miles away.

- Officers stopping San Antonio Spur Tony Parker and his "girlfriend" Eva Longoria for a minor traffic violation say they were insulted and verbally abused by the duo, who deny it. I'm with the cops on this one. Tony and Eva are big-time divas in their respective profession.

- One of my favorite actors, Vincent Schiavelli, passed on. The man could make you believe anything.

- What is behind the Bush administration's latest ploy? They're fessing up to everything, from starting a war on bad intelligence, to admitting to domestic spying to retracting a non-qualified candidate for the Supreme Court? Is it possible that (a) someone realized that denying something we all knew was foolish and/or (b) the President didn't want his second term to be historically remembered as one big lie?

- Remember the Carolina Panthers (ex-) cheerleaders who allegedly assaulted a woman in a bar because she complained to them that they were taking too long in the bathroom (you know why, of course)? Look who had to supposedly defend herself in a bar.

- Kid you not: Coach Pat Riley of the Miami Heat is considering the introduction of sumo wrestlers to team practices. Lack of respect and personal professionalism is killing the NBA.

- Nobody in the United States cares about the World Baseball Classic. The event will prove to the world once and for all that the sport's best players come from the Caribbean and Central America. And that's without Cuba. I'm good with that because seven times out of ten, they play the game with respect to the fans, their teammates, and the game itself.

- A sports talk radio show said Johnny Damon sold his soul for $13 million to play for the Yankees and it's true. The man could have had free dinners throughout New England for the rest of his life. Now he's considered a mercenary figure, selling himself to the highest bidder. Wait until he starts seriously choking as the New Yankees new leadoff hitter. He'll make no new fans in the Bronx and lose all of his old ones at Fenway. Watch him finish his career in Oakland.

- In the meantime, the Cubs have actually made some decent moves in the field, signing one of baseball's most exciting players (Jacque Jones) and unloading Nomar. Corey Patterson should have guessed by now he needs to find a new home. The downside is the rumors that Mark Prior, Kerry Wood, and Carlos Zambrano are available for the right price. If two or even one of those pitchers gets traded, this will be Dusty's last year as manager.

- The Bush administration filed some "friends of the court" briefs with the U.S. Supreme Court, supporting a widow in her case to have the will of her dead husband be probated as written. The deceased was probably a little nuts when he wrote his last testament, but the Soliciter General wants to tell the SCOTUS that federal judges have the right to rule on state cases that involve wills. You've probably heard of the widow: Anna Nichole Smith.

- Arnold Schwarzenegger got his wish. His Austrian hometown of Graz removed his name from the local sports stadium because town leaders did not support his decision to execute Tookie Williams. Is there any real news out there?

- Tony Dungy may not come back this year. Good for him. Nobody needs to tell him that his family needs him more that the Colts. When we all grow up, let's be Tony Dungy.

"Real" Newspaper Ads (ftWWW)

- 3-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.

- Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

- Vacation special: Have your house exterminated.

- Dinner Specials: Turkey $3.25 Chicken or Beef $2.75 Children $2.00.

- Illiterate? Write today for free help.

- Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

- Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

- Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

- Stock up and save. Limit: one.

- Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

- Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.

- For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

- Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

[And a Carson City motel used to have this sign:
"WE BEAT EVERYONE!"]

So true... (from the internet)

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after she finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Five Golden Rings

Tis Christmas, a time of for joyful noise and peace and love...and gifts. Lots of gifts.

Before the daughters, one of the stronger Christmas memories is the Christmas I didn't go to. In 1981, I came back to Carson during the holiday break at Air Force tech school and I knew then that The Bride was something special. I chose to spend the day with her over my grandparents, a decision which made sense at the time, but now...

So here we are, the five of us together again, and The Bride and I are spending our 25th Noel as a couple...except she and Eldest are at the movies and the two young ones are hiding in their room, watching DVDs. With nothing better to do, I rode around town on Dollar, thinking about memories and disfunctional relations. My father's wife sent me an email a couple of days ago reminding me of my 70-year-old dad, who has a habit of running away and closing doors when his kids (and his past) try to get close to him. For that reason and others, I haven't exactly stumbled over the keyboard to respond her. My sister recently wrote Aunt Lily to say she might be outside prison bars in a work release program in 2006, and my mother keeps threatening to call but I know when she does, we'll get all distant with each other because of our special relationship.

It is a good sentimental day, too, for a gazillion reasons. For instance, I miss my grandparents a lot right now but am very, very happy they're spending their first Christmas together in a long time. This may be a little morbid, but I know that in a hundred years or so, I'll be with them and I can start making up for that one missed Christmas.

Distance: 5.7 miles
Time: 32:38 minutes
256 calories burned (probably more; hard cold wind the whole way.)

A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,

I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.
Sleep without fear as you turn out your lights."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of this line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one has asked or begged or implored me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembered."

My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..

Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you some money, prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.

[From Mike Fay's blog.]

That Feels Better

Feeling a good lazy buzz. Broke Dollar out and went riding in cool weather. Went north to Mall-Wart, then south on Roop to the library and the office, then home. Worked up a little sweat but not so bad that I was drowning in it. When I got home, Trina and I did some Christmas shopping and closed out Target and Best Buy.

My blogs have been economical in size lately because I've been writing Trina. Now that she's home, they should get back to Grande and Tall size soon.

In the meantime, it's Christmas Eve and all through the house...we're setting back into a five-person routine. We are at peace.

Distance: 8.1 miles
Time: 42:12 minutes
459 calories burned

Start the timer again

Trina's plane got in last night (only an hour late) and it was/is so good to see her. We all met her and had dinner together and heard tales of RTC. And like the rest of us, she has the rest of her life to look forward to.

A little tired now because I didn't sleep too well last night. There's fog out. Maybe it's warm enough to go riding.

The title refers to this entry.

Sign of the Apocolypse

"The first Roman Catholic appointed UK ambassador to the Vatican since the Reformation has presented his credentials to Pope Benedict XVI.

Didn't the Brits have civil wars over a little thing like this (not to mention numerous beheadings and a few heathen marshmellow roasts)?

Christmas Eve Eve Day

The lips are from www.worth1000.com.

Having a slow day at home and at work because all the kiddies in the world (and their social workers) are behaving in the few hours before the Christmas weekend. Today will get very exciting later when Trina's plane lands at Reno-Tahoe at 8:09 PM tonight. She's requested that we stop for pizza and beer on the way home.

Having some unusual December weather with temps in the 50s. The projected high tomorrow is 59 degrees, so me thinking that Dollar is going to get a winter run.

And I guess I should do some Christmas shopping eventually...

POTUS

You are not going to like this entry if you:

- Believe in privacy.

- Hate the idea of Big Brother.

- Believe that spying is something reserved for external enemies.

- Hate or even dislike the Bush administration.

The current controversy about the President authorizing the National Security Agency to spy on possible domestic enemies of the country will probably fade away from the news soon. That's what usually happens when reporters find out that (a) people get bored with repetitive drum beating of a non-issue and (b) when folks find out that the President did nothing illegal.

Yeah, kinda snuck that last one in but it's true. Not only did President Bush not do anything illegal, he fully exercised the power of the Executive Office of the United States within the framework intended by the writers of the Constitution.

The power and limits of Executive Branch are found in Article Two of the Constitution, which is not the most well-defined article because the Founding Fathers knew that times change and the powers of the Executive would have to be flexible to meet those needs (they also wanted the Legislative Branch (the voice of the people) to be the more powerful arm of the government, but I digress). As time passed, the President began to use tools that are not defined in the Constitution to support and defend the United States, notably the use of Executive Orders. If you read that Wikpedia entry, you might be surprised how much authority the President actually has.

So if you asked a bunch of people what's the most important duty of the President, most would probably say, in one form or another, he/she must protect the country (it's in the oath of office). Every president has used the tools of their office towards that goal, either in the form of Congressional legislation or executive orders, and there's plenty of legal precedent (case law) to support such actions. Probably the most famous example happened during the Civil War. Abraham Lincoln used the power of the Presidency to suspend habeas corpus (due process) to indefinitely jail the critics of his administration and the Supreme Court of the time backed him up.

Whether we like him/her or not, the President of the United States is our chief protector against enemies, both foreign and domestic. He/she merely has to say in writing that there is a clear and present danger from these enemies, and there is no court in the country that will contradict him because his subsequent actions would not be illegal. They may be immoral and distasteful, but that's why we hired him: to clean out the garbage and to protect our way of life. And nobody is going to argue that our country is under attack from people smart enough, rich enough, and dedicated enough to die at the controls of passenger jets.

What will probably happen from all this noise about the NSA? Congress will hold some hearings for show and may even pass some legislation that the President will have to sign or veto (probably the latter; presidents hate giving up executive power). But no matter what happens, future Chief Executives will continue to use executive orders, both public and classified, to defend the country and they will take the heat for it. Is it any wonder why they seem to age overnight in front of us?

Bad Santa - Rated R (from the internet)

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drumkit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Carol

Dear Carol,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time gambling. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Christmas Eating Advice (from the internet)

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!"

From "News of the Weird"

You just know for a fact this guy is going to be in one of my classes in a couple of years:

Reyes Olivares was charged with murder in Las Vegas, Nev., despite his defense in October that his construction-foreman-victim was a sorcerer who put a spell on him with his flatulence. [Las Vegas Review-Journal, 10-18-05]

If it does happen, I will not eat broccoli for a semester.

Looking for Valium

Haven't posted in a while and not really in the mood to post now, but it'll be cleansing to the soul. Maybe if I get some stuff out in the ether, I'll sleep better.

Lara has been a rock of stability these days while The Bride and I've been dealing with stuff. Perhaps someday she'll realize how really strong she is.

Haven't talked to Eldest since a short voicemail last week. She sent a letter which summarized what was going on with her body, but nothing in detail and nothing since the voicemail where she said the Navy was sending her home. I look out the front window occasionally, hoping a taxi will pull up to the front door. It's a ridiculous thought, but I bet I'm not the only parent with grown-up children who thinks the same way (and don't begin criticize it, Dear Reader, until your children have left home).

Danielle had some adventures this week. We took her to the hospital Friday morning (12/16) and she was checked in by 5:30 AM. She was taken straight into the surgical ward and prepped for her organ extraction. Having witnessed two emergency surgeries (Lara and me), an planned surgery is far more organized, almost like called square dance and the folks following direction know what they're doing (stupid analogy, but you got it for free). She went into the operating room about 7:30 and was done in practically no time at all. They sent her home before 11:00 AM.

Then things got interesting. Well, more interesting.

The pain medication she initially got was making her nauseous, so the doctor prescribed another brand. And Danielle reacted to it. Badly. The Bride and I were freaking but we kept our asses together long enough to figure out we could not get her to the hospital, so I called 9-1-1 and the Carson City's Finest Firefighters were here in a very short time. The senior paramedic knew exactly what was going on and they injected a counter-agent on the spot. By the time the ambulance got her to the hospital, Danielle was getting back to normal (as were her parents' heartbeats). The doctor checked her out and kept her there for a few hours to be safe, but he's sure she'll be fine as long as she steers clear of that medication. This morning, she is sore from her experience, but is eating and resting normally.

And now I've got to get brains together to create a final test for tonight's class.

There's a few things I didn't mentioned that happened over the last few days, both locally and nationally, including the Bush administration's decision to come clean on Iraq and domestic spying, and the office Christmas party, but those are blogs for another day.

Trina Letter - Go Get 'Em, Tiger!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Hey, Navy:

We haven’t heard from you in a while and we’re thinking it’s because you haven’t had a chance to recharge your phone card, so there should be one in the envelope. Please call when you can. Hell, call collect.

And we’re sorry that we haven’t written. We have reasons. I dunno what YM is putting in her letter, but once you hear what’s going on, you’ll understand and accept where we’re coming from.

We did get your letter that explained what’s going on with your guts and we feel for you. We’re also wondering if the Navy is overreacting a little by sending you home. According to WebMD, rest and antibiotics are called for, and it only takes a few days to cure.

So we’re thinking that maybe they have other questions about you. Just so the air is clear here, whatever negatives things they may be thinking and/or saying about you is total and complete bullshit. YM, your seesters, and I all trust you to the nth degree and know that you’re one of the absolute best people ever.

If they do send you home, the United States Navy will have lost one of the finest individuals they ever had in their grasp. I personally cannot believe they are so stupid, but that’s the way some organizations are. After two hundred years of existence, a certain mind-set is sure to develop.

As for you coming home, we can hardly wait. Just remember that your life is not a bad movie scene from An Officer and A Gentleman. You still have all the brains, talents, and energy you had when you went in. If anything, you’re better than you were a few weeks ago. If the Navy in their stupidity does send you home, then we’ll do here what we can to get you back in A-1 condition so you can reassess your choices.

This is a turning point in your life, and you get to decide starting now whether you are a victim or an aggressor. I believe you’re smart enough to choose to be an aggressor.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: Don’t Let The Bastards Get You Down.

Love you with all my heart,
Air Force

Is This Normal?

How does everything keep happening at once?

The Bride had a job interview (yesterday?) and she got good vibes from it. One of the interviewers is a former collegue from her current job which works to her advantage. You heard it here first, folks: I predict they'll offer her the job and that she'll take it.

Youngest is going nuts on her writing and her surgery is Friday. It's an incredibly routine procedure, but I find myself taking deep breathes everytime it crosses my mind.

PBJ went to the doctor yesterday and declared her realatively fit. She's back to going to class and is freaking about assignments and finals, which is what usually happens to her this time of the semester. It's good to see she's getting back to normal.

Eldest is [edit] on her way home.

And I woke up at 3:00 AM this morning. Time for more coffee.

I Can See Clearly Now

So this is what consciousness feels like? Wow. As previously blogged, I've been going through a bought of insomnia and I've progressively been less and less awake over the last week. Yesterday was the absolute worst of it. Trying to think of at least ten things I said or did yesterday and coming up with only six or seven. Not good. Today is much better, thanks to The Bride.

The State of California executed Tookie Williams this morning. I've been dwelling on the idea of state-assisted murder and will throw something out here eventually.

At the other end of the scale, courtesy of Rueters: "A 116-year-old Ecuadorean woman was declared the oldest person in the world on Friday, lifting the title from a U.S. woman previously thought to be the oldest person alive, Guinness World Records said." The American is a woman in Memphis who's 111 years old. The oldest man in the world lives in Puerto Rico and is 114 years old.

From Sports Illustrated: Mixed marriages can often lead to conflict. And by mixed, of course, we mean spouses who root for different teams. Sometimes the strife takes the form of a bold preemptive strike, such as by the English woman who registered her son with her favorite team's fan club within 25 minutes of his birth. Kirstie Adams is a Derby County soccer supporter, while husband Martin roots for Liverpool. Right after delivering Thomas by Caesarian section, Kirstie phoned her dad (another Derby fan) to enroll her child as a Rammie's Rascal. Said Kirstie: "I was determined that I was going to get Thomas registered before Martin got his hands on him."

If your place of employment doesn't allow instant messengers, try out meebo.

Mike McGuire Update

From Peter King of Sports Illustrated:

"I think this is the latest from U.S. Army Sgt. First Class Mike McGuire, whose men -- they call themselves the "Wolf Pack'' -- are on the ground in Iraq looking for the IED's, the homemade explosive devices that are killing so many innocent people. Where, I don't know. His whereabouts must be kept secret. But here's his heartfelt note.

"We are here enjoying the sand,'' he e-mailed me last week. "It's everywhere. All I need is a lawn chair and a drink with an umbrella in it. Is there a city in this country? It's flat everywhere and seems like the people just come from the sand. We shot and zeroed all of our weapons systems and are ready to move forward. Did my wife send you the picture of my platoon? [She did.] I just wanted you to see the soldiers I work with. One in particular is this young kid named Private Jewell. We call him "Jittering Jewell." He is always worried and wanting to call home. We keep him under wraps. He's a good kid. Little more time away from Mommy and he will be OK. His dad is a big follower of your column, so he lets his son know when you write about me. One thing I am proud of is that these young soldiers are well-trained and ready to do whatever it takes to accomplish the mission and return home. You should see how we have been living for the past few weeks. We have 70 guys crammed into one large tent. Really, I have about two feet of living space on each side of me. Some guys have even less. But we don't complain. Smaller walls bring you closer. Water for running showers is at a premium. Around 9 at night, it's hard to get. Chow here is excellent. In this dining facility in the middle of the desert they have a Baskin Robbins. Can you believe it? Spent my birthday today loading up the vehicles getting ready for roll out. The 'pucker factor' is high when riding through towns or the desert or any area for that matter. It's a rush like I have not felt, like a altered sense of awareness. Things will really start to pick up soon. I will keep you posted.''

You know what I think when I read that? I think I will never experience a "pucker factor'' in my life, at any point, the way McGuire's men experience it every day."

"Baby thrown from burning building"

Here's a manly sport for you.

Insomnia Means Having Delusions While You're Awake

[This postcard from Postsecret has nothing to do with the below entry. It's just so darn cute and sad at the same time.]

I've been waking up in the middle of the night for the past week, usually around 1:30 or 2:00 AM. This happens from time to time and for no reason that I can find. It could have something to do with subconscious anxiety, or absent loved ones, or exercise, eating before bed, the current White House administration, and so on. I'll get sleepy again around 4:00 AM and catnap for a couple of hours.

Here's an unusual blogspot for you. Rated G.

Practically lost in the heartfelt and well-deserved farewells for Richard Pryor is the passing of former Senator Eugene McCarthy, a Washington outsider who helped strip away the hypocritical facade that was the late-1960s government's presentation of the Vietnam War. He drove LBJ out of the 1968 presidential race and into retirement, which may have not been such a bad thing, but that opened the door for old Tricky Dick Nixon (and look how well that turned out). Methinks the president will not be going to Mr. McCarthy's funeral.

Classes are winding down and this has been one suckass experience. Hindsight says I should have taken the semester off. My head wasn't in the game at the beginning, Trina left in the middle, and they wanted to fire me at the end. Strips away the joy of teaching if I were to dwell on it all.

Let me try to capture one of the reasons I like to teach: the spark (aka the lightbulb). A few semesters ago, there was a student who was just not grasping the concepts of the software application we were covering in class. We'd worked together and he understood the basics of what he was doing, but couldn't process the purpose or the "big picture" of the assignment (it was a database thing). Another student was at an earlier point in the same exercise and asked for help. The first student started explaining how he got where he was and as he was talking, you could see in his eyes that he was getting the idea. Some folks call it akin to a lightbulb turning on, but it's more sudden and bright than that. An old philosophy teacher from a class long ago called it the spark of intelligence or something like that. When the students finally "get it" and the light goes on in their eyes, it makes all the crap and headaches outside the classroom go away.

Some thoughts:
- Miserable people live in a universe of one. I've never met a sad person whose mission in life was totally focused on other people's happiness and/or salvation.
- Along those lines, another sign of happiness can be directly connected to how much time you spend outside and away from the electronics. Fresh air burns more calories than blogging. Look it up.
- But I still want electronics as presents. Go figure.
- Pancakes are the best food ever.
- There's a thin line between paranoia and persecution, but a paranoid person doesn't see the difference.
- Robert Heinlein once said that specialization is for ants, not Man. There's a lot more Jack-of-all-Trades collecting unemployment than there are specialists.
- Professional basketball is overrated. College basketball is a snapshot of life.
- Other things people tend to take too seriously: their own education and/or pedigree, football, Hollywood celebrities, and dieting.
- The stupidest and most short-sightedness executives in the five major sports can be found, without a doubt, in baseball. The reasons start with revenue sharing, wander through trade collusion and ballparks built with public money, and end up on steroids.
- By the way, just how many fans and how much respect did they lose in the 15+ years it took for them to respond to steroids?
- If horse racing is a sport, so is NASCAR. And it's got more fans than hockey. So it should be considered a major sport.
- Some of the best movies ever that I can watch repeatedly: The Godfather series, Bull Durham, Major League, The Incredibles, The Best Years of Our Lives.
- Some of the best movies ever that I'll never watch again: Million Dollar Baby, Silence of the Lambs, Full Metal Jacket.
- Movie I should have watched decades ago: Ran.
- It worth saying again: relatives are people you're related to by blood. Family are folks related to you by love.
- And you pick your family, but not your relatives.

It's past 3:30 AM. When I wake up and read this, I'll have no idea what I was talking about. Good night.

Grumpy Old Nevadan Here

I did go to the gym today and about the only thing I accomplished was to tire myself out. Shot some b-ball for a while, did 100+ stomach crunches and 40 leg lifts, and rode a recumbent bike for fifteen minutes. Nothing horrible or noteworthy, but at least I went yet again (small steps).

Carson is gloomy. For a number of days now, there's been a heavy overcast and no sun has appeared in a while. It's times like these that remind me that we are creatures of sunlight: proper exposure stimulates the body and generates vitamins. This arial cloudsoup is depressing and uninspiring. I can hardly wait for warm weather so Dollar and I can hit the road and catch some rays.

Interesting article in this morning's San Francisco Chronicle about the Bay Area's migration to Reno. Longtime Nevadans responded with a big, fat "Duh." We've seen the Californication of the Silver State for decades, notably in new real estate. It's human nature to surround yourself with familiar surroundings, but every new housing development is the same around here: big houses on tiny plots of land. The homes are close enough that you could reach out of your window and flush your neighbor's toilet next door. The new shopping centers have that "special" (heavy sarcasm) adobe look with white stucco walls and tiled orange roofs.

And there's always the bellyaching that makes Californians so special, as the article notes:

"Some complain that there are few good wine stores, places to buy organic meats and vegetables, and even fewer dining choices. Shopping is hardly a strong suit, either: Earlier this year, Bay Area transplants were abuzz about the mere possibility that Nordstroms would open its first store in the area."

Nordstrom's. Right. Yeah, the most exciting thing to hit northern Nevada in the last couple of years was the new In-N-Out Burgers.

Yes, I admit I sound like an old grump and maybe even a little hypocritical, especially since I'm married to a native Californian and some of the most special people in my life still live there. But emotions are not logical and I got tenure in this state and area, so blah. Elko is starting to look pretty darn good.

Trina Letter - Not a lot happening here

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Hey, Navy:

I’m at the office getting ready to grade papers, so I thought I’d procrastinate a little and write you a letter.

Um…

Got nothing here. Carson is Carson. Looking at the local headlines on the Nevada Appeal…there’s a couple article about women inmates (yawn), the Carson Indian Bowling League is getting together (snore), the Comstock History Museum opened in Virginia City (wow), and they’re talking about the freeway extension over Fairview (whoopee). The Reno Gazette-Journal is about as exciting.

In the hizza, YM is still decorating here and there, and the tree is all gussied up. Your seesters are both doing okay and getting ready for the end of the semester. I went to the gym.

Read an on-line article (undated) on the main Navy website by the Command Master Chief of Submarine Squadron One, Pearl Harbor, who visited RTC to get a sense of Navy boot camp. You might like the summary:

As any good briefer knows, you should always end your topic with a brief review of what you said, so here goes. At RTC Great Lakes, they take today's typical poorly-motivated civilian youth and mold him into a proud, professional young Sailor who believes that Honor, Courage, and Commitment are not just words. He or she learns the basics of being a Sailor and meets a higher standard of physical readiness then we require in the Fleet. Their uniforms and haircuts are squared away, and they are full of excitement about coming to the Fleet. Along the way, they are taught to handle basic personal finance, improve their writing and math skills, and learn to set goals in life. Not a bad combination. The Professional Golf Association has a set of TV commercials whose punch-line RTC should appropriate - Hey, these guys are good.

All my love,
Air Force

Trina Letter - With Sub-Titles

Saturday, December 10, 2005
(Letter-writing with sub-titles)

Dear Trina:
(That sucks. Try again.)

My love:
(Oh geez. When you bought the laptop, was a dress included with it???)

Hey, Navy!
(Better.)

Writing to say HI and see how things are.
(Wow. It may not be possible to be more boring.)

We're all well here, and enjoying a little winter snow and a lot of cold.
(Wrong. I can be more boring.)

Your sisters are doing well and send their love.
(And they're wondering when their PSPs will get here.)

Your mother is going crazy in the house, decorating all vertical and horizontal surfaces in sight.
(Mr. and Mrs. Claus had a garage sale. We got everything!)

We got a tree and it's covered with the usual decorations.
(A tinsel bomb exploded on it.)

We got a beautiful Christmas card from your mother's parents.
(Now they can ignore us for another year.)

The holiday spirit is in full-blast at my office.
(The supervisors took their knives out of the workers' backs for one whole hour.)

Your mother says her work is going well, too.
(Now that the top supervisor has gotten a manicure on company time.)

The college classes at the prison are winding down and the students are looking forward to the semester break.
(Best of all, they haven't made me their butt monkey.)(yet)

How is your division coming together? Are you guys working as a team?
(Have you stuffed the blabbermouths down the head, yet?)

Looking at Chicago weather, it looks real cold there. Try to keep warm.
(USAF boot camp is in San Antonio, Texas. It'll be 67 degrees and sunny there tomorrow.)

The Cubs traded for some energy and speed on the field. This could be their year!
(Yeah, their year to suck eggs yet again.)

Hey, did you hear about Brokeback Mountain? It's a western about two rodeo stars. How cool is that?
(They do WHAT???!!!)

Your sisters are really looking forward to seeing their big sister over the holidays.
(They're expecting you to buy all the beer.)

Running out of things to say here.
(Because I drank all the beer.)

All my love,
Air Force

[Yes, I really did send this letter to her like this. :-) ]

Revoking the Revocation

A few weeks ago, I sent out something written by John Cleese of Monty Python fame where he notifies the former American Colonies that their (our) Independence has been revoked because we re-elected a chucklehead as president in 2004.

*sigh* You can see what's coming. It was bullshit.

Our friends at Snopes.com, the legendary urban legend busters*, posted this on their website.

It's still pretty funny, as are the so-called American responses at the bottom of the post, but I'm gonna start checking this site a little bit more before proliferating such crap without proper attribution.

[* = Yes, I know I used "legend" and the obscure letter "b" twice in the same sentence, but this is Bob's Blog, so piss off. :-) ]

This Is Just Plain Ridiculous

[From the internet...again...I'll be original someday soon]

"From me ("the wishor") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee"). Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all...

... and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that-

* This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal
* This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
* This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
* This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
* This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
* The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor
* Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged."

"Bank Thing Was The Last Straw"

Jesus Bans "Christian" Group - Shocking announcement sends militant Focus on the Family organization into crazed tailspin, reports Mark Morford of the San Francisco Chronicle.

In an astonishing but not completely unexpected announcement, Jesus H. Christ, vice president and CFO of All That Is Inc., appeared today on a large tortilla at a roadside taco stand in Zacatecas, Mexico, to announce that, effective immediately, the pseudo-Christian group Focus on the Family, led by Dr. James Dobson and best known for its blazing hatred of gays and its fear of glimpsing the human female nipple during nationally televised sporting events, is effectively banned from His Divine Beneficence.

"What happened was, the heavens and all spirits of goodness, along with Buddha and Shiva and Allah and Kali and a few others, well, we were having some margaritas and playing poker and tossing around recent headlines, when Allah chimed in that this Focus on the Family group -- a real scab on my big toe for years, I gotta tell you -- well, they just decided to yank all their accounts from a bank over the bank's support of gay rights," said Jesus, dressed in black Diesel jeans, Hugo Boss motorcycle boots and a snug tank top featuring a large OM symbol across the chest.

"J-Dog," as he is known to his friends, was referring, of course, to the recent story about how the militant, Colorado-based "Christian" group has just pulled all its accounts from Wells Fargo Bank after learning that the bank had donated a small sum of money to gay rights causes, including GLAAD, a sum totaling about $50,000, or about one-tenth of what Wells Fargo gave to the GOP last year.

The Christ, apparently, had had enough.

"This is what I realized: Rampant homophobia, ignorance of sex, derision of women's rights, a decided love of tepid dogmatic sameness at the expense of the luminosity and uniqueness of the individual human soul -- it was all just too much," Jesus said, this time appearing as a curiously shaped oil stain on a freeway underpass in Saragossa, Spain. "Then the bank thing happened and it was the straw that broke the Mary's back."

It was, apparently, the right response. "Totally in the moment," said Buddha, nodding vigorously in agreement. "It's about time," Vishnu sighed, painting his nails beet red and lighting some Nag Champa incense. "It's decisive and it sends a message," agreed Kali, counting her poker winnings. "You guys have any hummus?" Allah muttered, rifling through Christ's well-stocked fridge and not really paying attention.

"A slight ban is definitely in order," Christ continued, calmly, now appearing in a pile of instant mashed potatoes in a truck stop in Bowling Green, Ky., where his visage appeared to be weeping, but which Jesus said was merely caused by all the onions he'd been chopping to make his famed "Holy Christ!" hot salsa for the Seraphim Christmas office party.

"Nothing serious, just maybe three, four thousand years wherein these Focus on the Family nutballs and especially this hateful Dobson fellow shall receive only sporadic blessings and deferred prayer responses and will have to go all the way to the back of the line, behind Dick Cheney and Tim LaHaye and Mel Gibson, to await salvation."

"Hell, I still love them all. Even Dobson," the One added, flashing his trademark dazzling, compassionate grin. "I just don't like them very much."

When the news reached Focus on the Family's Colorado Springs headquarters, stunned members were seen running into walls and bashing their foreheads with large Bibles and ramming their Toyota Corollas and Ford pickups into each other and muttering incoherent lines from "Passion of the Christ" and popping Prozac like M&M's.

"Where are the Ken dolls! Someone get to the dungeon and make sure my Ken doll collection is safe!" screamed James Dobson himself, emerging from a secret room in a fuchsia leotard and launching into a bizarre rant no one could quite understand. Reporters seeking comment could only look at each other in stunned silence, wishing they could be in a bar somewhere.

In related news, the Tupelo, Miss.-based American Family Association, another right-wing, anti-gay Christian group that allegedly pressured Ford Motor Co. into yanking much of its advertising from upscale gay publications, has, apparently, accidentally banned itself.

"Someone who is no longer in the organization had the bright idea that we should ban any American company or group that supported the outright ignorance of Christ's true message," sighed AFA chairman Donald Wildmon, chugging from a large bottle of Red Bull and stroking the hairless cat in his lap and making a strange hissing noise with his tongue. "Hell, it sounded great at the 'Harry Potter' book-burning rally. But then again, most everyone was buzzed on spiked Kool-Aid and Kumbaya pie."

"Turns out, when all votes were counted, the group that most needed banning, besides the Catholic church and Dobson's clan, was us. Apparently, we have no real clue as to what Christ truly stood for. Who knew?"

Effective immediately, the AFA's ban on itself means its members will no longer be able support or endorse anything it says or does, until further notice from itself.

"It makes shopping, like, totally impossible," said Beth-Ann Binderbottom, mother of nine and AFA member for the past 17 years and devout watcher of "Touched by an Angel" and committed scourer of all live radio and TV programming for any trace of female nipples, curse words or Jessica Simpson's butt.

"Due to the ban on myself, I now I have to buy the exact opposite of everything I would normally buy," she lamented. "What the gosh-golly heck am I supposed to do with all these green vegetables, Tom Robbins books, bottles of wine and hot porn DVDs?"

Christ, who will be in negotiations with the lords of the underworld next week about what can be done about Jerry Falwell, summarized it this way: "Hell, at the root of it, we're all pagans," JC said with a wink, from a lovely pattern of bark on an old-growth sycamore in a heavily wooded forest somewhere in Bavaria.

Was I really up this early?

A gentle little Christmas card.

Woke up at O-dark-:30 this morning with the idea of going to the gym, eating breakfast, and grading papers before work, so I was up and out of the house, full of ambition and energy.

Two out of three ain't bad, right? :-) I did ride the bike for a while, but the numbers are pathetic and too embarrassing to put up here, but at least I went. My reaction to cold weather is probably something learned from my upbringing: if it's cold, stay inside. Getting into a frozen car at 5:30 AM is not something I aspire towards. Looking at the bike journal for November...I only rode six frickin' times. That has got to improve.

The Bride and I went cruising for Christmas lights on houses last night and discovered, ironically, our street was most "Christmasie" in town. Almost every house on the street we live on has something really nice outside. The rest of the town was practically dark. Maybe it will be better next week. Anyway, we took some pictures which will get up here eventually.

The daughters are doing okay. L. should be back to a normal schedule today and D. is getting back into the school thing.

WAUKEGAN, IL - BB guns and other types of pellet weapons joined the ranks of firearms Monday when the City Council voted unanimously to require vendors to report sales to the Waukegan Police Department. The move came two weeks after council members and police officials touted the move as a public safety issue in light of various incidents involving BB guns, including instances of criminal damage and injuries.

I'm old school, so I remember when these things were toys.

A non-gentle redneck Christmas card.

I need some caffeine...

How to Tell if You're a Grinch

[From the internet.]

1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points)

2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out)

3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)

4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.

5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction).

6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day. (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.

7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party)

8. You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own [Southern California only, others ignore]. (5 points -- nobody but Angelenos are dumb enough to dress a car)

9. After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made. (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year).

10. Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no. (20 points)

Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.

20-30: You are just a cheeseball.

30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets.

50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas crime has arrived.

Trina Letter - What's a "mahan"???

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Hey, Navy:

I said that I would get another letter to you and here it is. Speaking of which, several non-Moores saying they were going to write you, other than Murphy, including Elaine. Have you gotten any of those?

I hope the last letter didn’t freak you out too much. It’s okay to be a little freaked, but you know that YM and I are taking care of things here. She was not a fan of letting you know all of the seester crap, which I completely understand. IMHO, even though you’re out there in Navyland, you’re still a member of this family and I don’t want you to feel that you’re on the outside looking in. You’re one of us forever, no matter where you are (Yes, that’s a repeat from the last letter, but it’s a good point.)

The weather in northern Nevada is very crisp and cool now, with the possibility of precipitation tomorrow, and the vehicles have to be scraped free of ice in the morning before being driven. There’ve been deer in the yard across the street. The four that wandered by the house yesterday looked well-fed and healthy, not like the ragged, slightly-singed survivors from last year’s fire.

Looking at RTC weather, you may get snow tomorrow (12/8) then it’ll clear out and just be darn cold for a week. You might see snow again on Sunday, but it looks cold enough to keep the ball cap in the locker.

The new hospital opened over the weekend and the place is humongous. Everything is new, clean, and modern. Everyone has a private room and when they finish the rooms, there will be internet access for guests. The chapel of this big piece of modern medicine is about the size of Lara’s room, if even that big. BTW, I said “finish” because there’s still much to do, such as the landscaping and little things…like clocks. How they can open a hospital without a supply of wall clocks is a little weird, n’est pas?

Today was the first day of work for me in a week. I was on sick leave for my stinking ear infection, then took family sick for your seesters. Did I tell you that I took the week off between Christmas and New Years? I figured you guys would want a daddy-taxi, which I’m cool with. YM didn’t take it off because she wanted to save her annual for Uncle Dennis’ wedding in Ireland. Even though that’s not happening now, it’s probably too late for her to request the time because everyone else in her office is taking those days off. Maybe we should just kidnap her.

Got to mulling about your phone call, and this will probably further embarrass you, but I'm not apologizing: it sounds like you've turned a corner in your life. You've found direction and you're liking having people depend on you for important things. In the grand scheme of things, perhaps laundry is not going to change the world, but it is your first "real" Navy job and it sounds like you're the best at it, so go for it.

It's good to hear so you have so many people on your side, from your chain of command to your shipmates (if they'd only shut up for 5 minutes (small grin)). What you're experiencing is a snapshot of the United States military at its best: working together to get the Mission done. In this case, some folks sound like they've made it their unofficial Mission is to get Trina past PT, which is so cool. Please don't lose sight of The Real Mission, though. It is your chain of command's job to make the best sailors possible and available for further training. If they have to make hard decisions about you or your shipmates, please do not take it personally. The Navy is a dangerous place and the RDCs have seen first-hand what happens when sailors fail on ship/shore: people get hurt, sometimes badly.

(Here comes the history lecture. Try to stay awake. :))

Historically, the Navy is the measurement of a country. If something happens and the United States has to project its force, you and your shipmates around the globe will always get the first call. Not the mud-eaters (Army/USMC) or zoomies (USAF). You've probably heard the name "Mahan." He wrote a book on world power and made the case that the country with the fleet to protect its shorelines and harass its foes at sea is the dominating force, and this has been proven repeatedly through history from the Romans, Greeks, Egyptians, Spanish, and the English. One of the reasons the USSR failed is because they had few to none warm-water ports (look it up sometime). Today, there is only one country with a world-wide navy and it's the best trained navy in the history of the world. If you need to know who hey are, look down at the uniform you're wearing.

So hard choices have to be made about who and who cannot be part of that mission, and boot camp is the best place for those decisions. You've seen the results first-hand and it may be hard not to think there's something personal about it and that a chief or an officer is being just plain mean, but you know deep down that's not true. Just like you, it's their job to protect their shipmates out there.

(disengaging lecture mode)

You may have heard about this:

"CHICAGO (Reuters) - A big boom anticipated by thousands of spectators in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, on Saturday turned out to be a real bust. Crowds gathered outside the Zip Feed Mill -- the state's tallest building -- to watch officials demolish the nearly 200-foot- (60-meter-) tall building. But things didn't go as planned. "It is kind of a bust. It didn't get knocked down," said Regan Smith, Sioux Falls risk emergency manager. "It took the first floor out and it is leaning at about a 30-degree angle."

In major cities, where tall skyscrapers are common, demolition of a building the size of the feed mill may have gone unnoticed. But in Sioux Falls (population 140,000), the feed mill gained celebrity status among the locals. Prior to the event, residents raised $100,000 to fight multiple sclerosis by selling T-shirts emblazoned with "BOOM!" and conducted a raffle in which the winner got to detonate the explosives. A wrecking ball may be used next week to bring down the building to make room for office and retail space."

Realized this morning that this was an anniversary for the Moore family. On December 7, 1988, the five of us left Nebraska via the train. In any ways, those days were the best of my life. They weren’t perfect by any means, but they were fun.

Just the letter you wanted: old people reminiscing about the past. :-)

All my love,
Air Force

Recognizing a Stroke

Another thing from the internet. Putting this out with the disclaimer that it may be an urban legend. Maybe Dr. Cousin could comment on it, please.

"Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
1. Ask the individual to SMILE.
2. Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
3. Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. . . It is sunny out today) If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage."

Rearrange the Letters

[Another gem from the internet.]

DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES LET'S RECOUNT

MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS NO MORE Z'S

A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA :
When you rearrange the letters With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

The Perfect Husband

[From the internet]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Time Flies

Haven't posted anything here in a while because Real Life has jumped on us with both feet. If you're not a relation, Gentle Reader, then I apologize for not being more open, but gotta respect the privacy of the participants.

I spoke to my favorite sailor for about forty minutes on Saturday morning and she's doing well. I'm writing her a letter at the moment, but it won't get posted here for the above same reasons.

Hope everything's cool in your world. :-)

This Is Real, Man!!!

Screw that love crap. This is what the world needs more of.

(Loads slow. Be patient.)

Thanks, JS!

Got him!

[First heard about this last night at the prison Mr. Thompson escaped from. The correctional officers were in a pretty good mood.]

"Prison escapee captured in Vegas

LAS VEGAS - An escaped Carson City prison inmate was captured Tuesday in Las Vegas, three days after his story and photo were aired on a national television broadcast.

Jody Kenneth Thompson was arrested Tuesday by members of the U.S. Marshal Service and the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department's SWAT team.

According to a Marshal Service press release, an anonymous tipster led authorities to an apartment in the 3900 block of Mountain Vista Street. As investigators from both departments closed in on the address, Thompson allegedly fled and ran to a nearby residence where he forced entry and attempted to hide. Thompson was found a short time later and placed under arrest without further incident.

Thompson allegedly mastered a prison break "fueled by love and a free ride," said District of Nevada Acting United States Marshal Fidencio Rivera.

On the morning of Aug. 25, Thompson and others who were serving their sentences at the Northern Nevada Correctional Center on Snyder Avenue were assigned to load furniture onto a delivery truck going to the Lovelock Correctional Center. At approximately 8:30 a.m. the delivery truck departed NNCC. At approximately 11:30 a.m., Thompson was unaccounted for and believed to have escaped on the truck.

"Ironically he escaped with the assistance of Nevada Department of Corrections employee and love interest Ana Kastner," Rivera said.

Kastner allegedly smuggled a cell phone into the prison and gave it to Thompson on or about Aug. 13, two weeks prior to his escape. Their alleged romantic relationship and her involvement were discovered during the investigation into Thompson's escape. She was arrested on Aug. 27.

He was featured on Fox Network's America's Most Wanted television program Saturday."

[Mr. Thompson will still be in the Nevada Maximum Security Prison in Ely long after my grandchildren graduate from college.][And I don't have any grandchildren.][Yet.]