Kindergarten

You might be a kindergarten teacher if...
By Lorie Schaefer, courtesy of the Nevada Appeal (subscription required):

"Although I've been an educator most of my life, I came to kindergarten rather late in my career. Perhaps it is for that reason I have noticed that kindergarten teachers are really quite different from other teachers. However, I haven't been able to put my finger on precisely what that difference was. Until now.

You might be a kindergarten teacher if:

- You buy two pairs of running shoes a year and you don't run.

- You put 10,000 steps a day on your pedometer without leaving your classroom.

- "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" and the "Hokey Pokey" are part of your daily exercise routine.

- You wear seasonal clothing and jewelry that no "normal" adult would wear.

- An apron is part of your "professional attire."

- You use hand sanitizers like other people use perfume.

- You find yourself humming the days of the week song in the shower.

- You ask, "Did you flush?" and "Did you wash?" at least one hundred times a day.

- You wash your own hands 100 times a day.

- You thank God for whoever invented baby-wipes, Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and Velcro shoes.

- A daily review of coughing, sneezing and nose-blowing etiquette is appropriate and necessary.

- You have to remind your students not to write on the carpet. Or each other.

- You have added "booger flicking" to the list of classroom misdemeanors.

- You've used one of those little toilets in the last week.

- You fall asleep at 8:30 every night.

- You show up for your manicure with tempera paint and glitter under your fingernails.

- You go to every grocery store in town looking for alphabet macaroni and get excited when you find alphabet cookies at Costco.

- You buy zip-lock baggies by the gross.

- It takes you three times longer to prepare a lesson than to teach it.

- Your carefully written --- and rewritten --- lesson plans bear only a slight resemblance to what actually happens in class.

- You can sing a song, recite a poem or name a picture book to teach every standard in the kindergarten curriculum.

- You spend part of nearly every weekend and vacation at school.

- Your average sentence length has shrunk to five words and you repeat every one of them - every one of them - at least three times.

- You easily decipher those cryptic personalized license plates.

- You've made your own play-dough.

- All 29 of your students snap to attention when you say, "I like how Elliott is sitting."

- All your pants have one or more of the following: paint stains, bleach spots, faded knees or dusty footprints from students putting their foot on your leg as you tie their shoes.

- Your first thought when the weatherman predicts rain is, "Oh, no. Indoor recess."

- You recognize the irony in rewarding a large class for good attendance.

- You realize -- too late -- you didn't learn how to say, "Don't eat the glitter!" in your Spanish class.

- You stock up on Airborne, Echinacea and Vitamin C every winter.

- You know it's easier to go to work with a cold than to prepare for a substitute.

- You believe almost any art project is better with glitter.

- You've decided against botox injections because then you couldn't give "the teacher look."

- When a student with limited English calls a book's dust jacket a "sweater," you understand the confusion and smile as you explain it.

- You know precisely how many days you have been in school. And how many days you have left.

- You've resorted to puppetry to hold your students' attention.

- You spend at least as much time tying shoes as teaching the alphabet and it's not even on the report card.

- You know what standards are covered by stringing colored macaroni on a necklace.

- You know kindergartners need blocks, paint, play-dough, songs, stories and patience. And outdoor recess.

- You are so accustomed to modeling good manners that you thank your dog for not barking. You even thank the police officer for your speeding ticket.

- A trip to Borders always begins and ends in the children's section.

- You never go to the grocery store without buying at least one thing for school.

- During the course of your day, someone shows you -- and you get to compliment them on -- their new underwear.

- You work with the most spontaneous and unpredictable people in the world - 5-year-olds.

- Little voices singing "Home Means Nevada" can make you cry.

- You consider it a privilege to be a child's first teacher.

- You witness small miracles every day.

Lorie Schaefer teaches kindergarten at Seeliger, where she welcomed 57 of her favorite people back to school this week."