Facts About Bob Moore

Rated "R" for language and imagery. You've been warned.

- Onions do not make Bob Moore cry. Bob Moore makes onions shit themselves.

- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Bob Moore allows to live.

- Bob Moore can slam a revolving door.

- Bob Moore once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

- When Bob Moore goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

- When Bob Moore drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

- When Bob Moore was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Bob Moore!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Bob Moore could use to kill you, including the room itself.

- The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Bob Moore and forgot to pay him back.

- Bob Moore played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

- Bob Moore can divide by zero.

- Bob Moore is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

- In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Bob Moore , and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

- When Bob Moore jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Bob instead.

- Bob Moore is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

- Bob Moore has two speeds: walk and kill.

- You are what you eat. That is why Bob Moore 's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

- Crop circles are Bob's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

- Bob Moore can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Bob Moore smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

- Bob Moore has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Bob ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

- Bob Moore once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

- Bob Moore is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

- The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Bob Moore punched himself in the face.

- On his birthday, Bob Moore randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

- When Bob Moore deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

- If you were to lock Bob Moore in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Bob replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

- Bob Moore invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

- When Bob Moore does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

- Vin Diesel wishes he were Bob Moore.