Run-on Sentences

If you read the funny papers, as they were called in a long-ago age, you'll see Doonesbury is picking on artists who sing the old standards. WTF is up with that? Now I admit Rod Stewart's latest CD is pushing it, but if Mr. Trudeau actually listened to and understood the lyrics of that good stuff, he might find something a little more artistic and coherent than "Bob Dylan Live at Woodstock." Actually, everything is more coherent that ol' Bob, but I can only go so far in flaming two American icons in one paragraph (Rod is not one of them). Now this is how an angel sounds when she sings. No blowing in the wind here.

[From an old blog - slightly edited]

To my supervisor...who is supervising for the first time:

Now that you’ve been a boss for a few weeks (known to your supervisees as “Fifth Circle of Dante’s Hell”), you may be thinking about taking things to the next level: actually supervising. To understand this urge to destroy, one must look at the roots of supervision. Why, you ask? Well, potential supervisors show management skills during their formative years. As the supervisor ages (note I did not use the word, “mature”), he/she/it continues to develop the skills that will suck the air and joy out of every project it/she/he is involved with.

Here are some milestones:

Kindergarten: Eats paste and crayons, and isn’t be allowed to near scissors. Having no tools to create, these tots will fill their minds with revenge, anger, and the overwhelming need to show their underwear to the world. These events translate to adult life in this way:

Ate Paste: Can’t hold these together in a crisis.
Ate Crayons: Destroys anything in life that has color or taste.
Showed underwear: That's got to be Freudian, right?.

Second grade: The tot cuts the hair of classmates, whether they want it or not. Symbolizes future skill of cutting employee off at the knees for proposing a logical, factual argument (based on mathematical trends and scientific projections) that contradicts supervisor’s desire to do something totally asinine (too many examples to cite here).

Sixth grade: Every valentine sent to girls or boys at school (including the one sent to the 81-year-old librarian) returned to potential supervisor with cute phrases as “cold day in hell”, “sexual harassment”, “bust your balls”, and “restraining order.” Each is smeared with dark brown substance that smells suspiciously like Grampa after he leaves the bathroom. Gives supervisor a hint at the tools that can be used in the future to stifle creativity and freedom of thought in workers.

High school: A never-ending parade of public embarrassments, acne, bad smells, and continued rejection by the opposite gender and the “cool crowd.” All this translates directly to management.

College: Supervisor experiences freedom from parental supervision, a set schedule, and external expectations of public school. This freedom is overpowering and the student wastes no time in moving back with Mommy and Daddy. Denotes desperate need for control and structure where none is actually needed. The greatest accomplishment during this time is finally getting to “second base” with someone during an alcohol-induced stupor. Sadly, there’s no one else in the room and the supervisor realizes he’s groping himself. Like the valentine cards, this sets the stage for future sexual harassment claims.

Despite all this, the supervisor views herself/itself/himself as a normal, adjusted human being that is fit to lead and direct. This is an illusion just like all the others and will only lead to isolation and derision of the supervisor. Sadly, it/she/he does not mind because this is his/her/its normal state of existence.

Despite this warning, you still may feel the need to direct and supervisor. Is this urge really worth the loss of your basic humanity? Think before it’s too late!