[Written in my head this morning]
Dear Sir Right Next Me:
Congratulations on making the life-changing and life-enhancing decision to begin working out at the local fitness club. You will feel better for it if you choose to stick with it. You will have more energy, the days will be brighter, and you will sleep better at night. And you won't miss the semi-humorous quips from colleagues and friends about the aging love handles and floppy spare tires.
Since it's obviously been a while since you stepped into a locker room, please forgive my bad manners for bringing up something you did this morning. It was probably due to the fact that you haven't had your morning coffee or other appropriate stimulant. The fact that you were up and about at the ungodly hour of 7:00 AM, though, is a testament to your stubbornness and willingness to improve your lifestyle. Applause, sir.
Just so you know, there are 124 lockers in our locker room. Five had locks on them (including mine) and, based on the number of people in the gym itself, there were probably ten to twenty in use without locks. That leaves about 100 lockers ready for your sweating socks. So, for future reference, you may not want to use a locker that is adjacent to one that is already in use. This spares both of us the extremely uncomfortable feeling of one wet guy right out of the shower (me) standing next to one old, sweaty guy fresh off the gym floor (you).
Appreciate the consideration. Now Go Get 'Em, Tiger!
Thank you.
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