Tuesday, January 31, 2006
No Trouble..........
Just spoke to UNR Extended Studies. They're going forward with the interviews. Guess I should get ready. ;-)
Monday, January 30, 2006
Uh Oh...Trouble At UNR
From the Reno Gazette-Journal:
UNR halting new state-funded hires
Faced with a projected $2.1 million shortfall partly caused by soaring utility costs, the University of Nevada, Reno has implemented an immediate hiring freeze on state-funded teaching and staff positions.
"Just as our own personal utility bills have escalated, the university's utility bills have skyrocketed - in our case, more than $650,000 to date - beyond what we initially had anticipated," UNR's Provost and Executive Vice President John Frederick wrote in a campuswide e-mail Monday.
"In addition, our need to meet growing enrollment demands, and the legislative mandate to refund about $1.8 million in salary savings this fiscal year, has placed us on a path leading to an unacceptable year-end budget deficit.
Federick said the university is expected to be more than $2 million in the red by June 30, the end of this fiscal year.
"To avoid this, we need to place an immediate freeze on hiring for state positions funded through the state instructional appropriation (1101 funds)," Frederick said.
I'll be making a phone call in the morning...
UNR halting new state-funded hires
Faced with a projected $2.1 million shortfall partly caused by soaring utility costs, the University of Nevada, Reno has implemented an immediate hiring freeze on state-funded teaching and staff positions.
"Just as our own personal utility bills have escalated, the university's utility bills have skyrocketed - in our case, more than $650,000 to date - beyond what we initially had anticipated," UNR's Provost and Executive Vice President John Frederick wrote in a campuswide e-mail Monday.
"In addition, our need to meet growing enrollment demands, and the legislative mandate to refund about $1.8 million in salary savings this fiscal year, has placed us on a path leading to an unacceptable year-end budget deficit.
Federick said the university is expected to be more than $2 million in the red by June 30, the end of this fiscal year.
"To avoid this, we need to place an immediate freeze on hiring for state positions funded through the state instructional appropriation (1101 funds)," Frederick said.
I'll be making a phone call in the morning...
I Ain't Lance. I'm Bob

My response: "What is the point of having limits if you don't keep pushing them?"
The United States Marine Corps says it better: "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Booyah, Baby!
You know where this is going and I must beg your forgiveness, but I'm burning on an endorphine high as I write this. In January, I've done eight 30-minute rides so far (and four 20-minute rides). These are the distances in miles. If you want to know my average speed on these rides, simply double the distances:
Jan. 09: 7.15 (14.3 mph average)
Jan. 10: 7.70
Jan. 17: 8.25
Jan. 20: 7.11
Jan. 26: 8.18
Jan. 27: 7.80
Jan. 28: 8.30
Today : 8.80 (17.6 mph average)
That's 7.9 average with a 23% increase in distance from the first ride to the last. According to bikejournal.com, I've burned 5,600 calories this month when including the 20-minute rides. I'm aiming to complete ten miles in 30 minutes.
In the grand scheme of things, especially in the world of bicycling, these numbers are nothing, but like all things relative, they mean something to me and all of this would have been totally unthinkable a few short years ago. I'm a techie by trade, and daily exercise is pushing a mouse and a good diet means not supersizing.
But then my personal fitness hero, Aunt Lily, re-entered my life and she's a marathoner (!!!). A close relation of mine is physically fit? Get out of town on the horse you rode in on. And so is her significant other, the Zinger, someone for whom I have an infinite world of respect. They have this incredible love for life. Amazing.
My catchy line at this point is usually, "When I grow up, I want to be just like them." The fact is I am grown up, so no more excuses and no fear. I can't run like them, but I can fly on a bike.
Speaking of which, I rode to Dayton last October and I coasted down the big hill at about 41 mph. Reading the current issue of Bicycling magazine and found a blurb about Alpine bikers who regularly descend mountain roads at an average speed in the 50s. Holy cow. Think how fast I would have gone if I'd had a street bike instead of a mountain bike. (grin)
By the by, Aunt Lily is training again so check out her blog, dudes.
Distance: 8.80 miles
Time: 30:00 minutes
657 calories burned
Sunday, January 29, 2006
We Go From Narnia To The Vatican To Sins to Vulcan

If you haven't seen the SNL Narnia video, please come out into the sunlight. The world is pretty and we miss you. Here's the West Coast response for you.
Bumped in an old high school teacher at the gym yesterday, but I doubt he remembered me. It's funny how people can be a large influence in your life for a chunk of time. This particular one dominated every room he was in and had little to no patience with hyper-hormonal teenagers...and our bunch were the ones who behaved ourselves at Cartoon High. Today, he's in his seventies and has shrunk to half of what he was. It was kind of a spooky encounter.
In the category of getting your knees cut off: President Bush among many others advocated "intelligent design" (ID) as an alternative method of introducing creationism into K-12 education. It's a nice catchphrase to rally around and gives credence to the faith-based belief that a Great One (no, not him or him) developed a universe from a cosmic blueprint.
It sounds good, except for teeny-tiny, oh so little insignificant detail: somebody forgot to check with headquarters. A scholar published in the Vatican newspaper wrote that ID was ideology and not proven science, and that biological evolution "represents the interpretative key of the history of life on Earth."
"This isn't how science is done. If the model proposed by Darwin is deemed insufficient, one should look for another, but it's not correct from a methodological point of view to take oneself away from the scientific field pretending to do science."
Here's a summary of the article. Memo to creationists: back to the drawing board. Pun intended.
I don't have a problem letting kids learn about ID in public high school as long as it's taught as an alternate method. I suspect it'd be a waste of time because kids today are so much more worldly that they were fifty years ago. They cut their teeth on the scientific method, for the most part.
Dropped in this blog somewhere the mention of Barry Bonds quitting the World Baseball Classic because he wants to be healthy for the upcoming season. ESPN reports the athletes participating in the WBC will have to undergo Olympic-style drug testing for all performance enhancing supplements, hormones, and condiments (like sweet mustard - it's a dog). It will not be the cursory examinations previously mandated by Major League Baseball. Coincidence, Mr. Bonds?
We all have our addictions but methamphetamine users are in a special hell of their own doing. Check out these pictures.
Did the bills and found we don't got the capital to cover our debits (surprise), so I gave up on My Ultimate IPod Dream and bought one of the cheaper models. Now the bills are a little happier and my conscious is not so angry.
And now after playing with the darn thing, I'm having that "having is not nearly as satisfying as wanting" feeling. There's a reason Greed is a Deadly Sin.
(That aside, please feed my hungry little IPod. :))
Saturday, January 28, 2006
omg omg omg omg (repeat until numb)

----------------------------
Interview schedule for Robert Moore
Friday, February 3
8:15-8:30
Review interview questions
8:30-9:30
Meet with committee, conference room
9:30-9:35
Short break for candidate
9:40-9:55
Presentation and Q&As with EXS staff, Room 109
9:55-10:10
Meet with Associate Vice Provost, Dee Henderson
Presentation Information
Our staff would like to get to know you! In order for this to happen, please be prepared to deliver an informal ten (10) minute presentation to the entire Extended Studies staff regarding your motivation in applying for this position.
We'd like you to tell us why you feel this position meets your career goals and why you want to working in Extended Studies. We'd like you to address the following items, but you are certainly not limited to these, if time allows!
- What skills will you bring to this position?
- What motivates you in the workplace?
- What is your management/training style?
- What is your preferred/strongest communication style?
- How do you function in a constant multitasking environment?
- What expectations do you have of your direct reports and consequently what expectations should they have of you?
- What expectations do you have of Extended Studies and what expectations should the organization have of you?
----------------------------
Distance: 8.30 miles
Time: 30:00 minutes
609 calories burned
Friday, January 27, 2006
Not A Happy Post

Here's a notice: I do not like snow anymore. I miss the drought. I want to live in a place where I can bike outside year-round and not have to use a stationary next to Sam the Free-Flying Sweathog (literally). Yes, I'm retaining water, my ankles feel fat, and I'm craving chocolate. Do these jeans make my butt look fat?
The good news of the day is UNR returned my messages and I will be rocking/rolling with them next Friday. Trying not to set myself up for disappointment here, but I'm one charged-up dude for that interview.
The other bit of good news is I will buy my IPod sometime in February. I've been saving a little cash here and there since last year to (a) see if I can do it and (b) reward myself for working three jobs for much of 2005. It's been a long, frustrating exercise in fiscal patience.
Speaking of which: Look at this bills! Oy!!!! I gotta find a weekend job.
But at least I finally satisfied my avacado craving.
(And I recognize the paradox: not being able to pay all of the bills, yet having the moola for an IPod. I've been working like a dog at extra jobs to support the family, and whatever $$$ is used for the toy would hold back the tidal wave of debt for only a day or two. Might as well be listening to cool tunes as they repossess the truck/van, and we live in a cardboard box. :))
Distance: 7.80 miles
Time: 30:00 minutes
547 calories burned
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Tonight, Hell Froze Over

The word is all three of my Spring classes are going to fly. This semester, I have one class at each of the three prisons in Carson City, instead of all three at one prison or two at one prison and another at a second, as in the past. I checked if anyone else is doing that and out of 354 professors/instructors scheduled to teach Spring 2006, only three (<1%) are scheduled to teach at three or more campuses (discounting video and web classes). All three are Prison instructors and the other two guys are teaching studs. It's cool to be even distantly associated with them, so I'm gonna suck it up and teach like a sumbiatch.
(And how do I know all that? I did college enrollment stats for a long time. It ain't hard...after years of learning. :))
Distance: 8.18 miles
Time: 30:00 minutes
578 calories burned
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Random Blahs

Speaking of symbols, Washington Post reporters, among others, were denied access by the current administration to old photos of President Bush meeting with disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff because they were "not pertinent" to the scandal investigation. Watch this story gather steam and energy faster than shit through a goose. Yes, it is possible for a picture like that to put a Democrat in the White House in 2008. It only took 18 minutes of silence to make a president resign from office.
Carson City officials discovered a horrific episode of child abuse recently. Commenters on the Nevada Appeal web site were understandably outraged, and some suggested extreme measures for future abusers, including sterilization of repeat offenders. There's a chance in a million that those comments will be taken seriously, but what's scary is Nazis used sterilization techniques on Jews and other non-Aryan minorities during the Holocaust in the 1940s. Do we really want to discuss something that puts us in the same breath as them, even remotely?
And yes, I do have an idea (surprise!). Instead of the numerous reactive ideas proposed, including stiffer prison sentences and permanent separation of the children from the abusive parents (which in some cases should absolutely happen), how about we as a country and society develop proactive family-friendly social programs that include free parenting and nutrition classes, and a child welfare program that's isn't buried in red tape? Of course, there's no profit in that, other than our next generation of leaders, workers, taxpayers, and, oh yeah, inmates.
This morning's Chronicle had an article about the importance of team chemistry, something the employees of the San Francisco Giants feel is absolutely essential to their success in the NL West in 2006. On the exact same page in the Sports section, there was another article on how Barry Bonds was complaining about being forced to bat second for the American team at the World Baseball Classic. He resigned from the team some time later for "health" reasons.
There's a reason why Dusty Baker's not managing on the west side of the Bay, but I can't decide if it's because Dusty is smarter than the Giants management or because ol' B.B. forced him out (wanna put money on it?). IMO, there's a sorrier bunch of fans than the Cubbie Bleacher Bums and they're called Barry Bonds' Apologists. When Barry pulls the team down yet again with his usual "me first" antics, it will be the Giants fans that suffer the most. When he breaks Babe Ruth's home run record, will anybody really care in a positive way?
Cruised through some blogs and haven't found a single non-American blog in support of the current administration. When President Bush is mentioned, it's always negative. Mull on that for a moment, please.
United States Supreme Court justice-nominee Samuel Alito will be confirmed by the Senate. Get used to the idea. Also get used to the idea this is the first time in American history that five Roman Catholics have sat on the bench at the same time. Roe v. Wade supporters: start to feel nervous.
Speaking of which, the famous or infamous RvW decision was not so much a decision supporting the right to abortion. It was more about the right to have a say over your body and your overall right to privacy. If you believe in those issues, especially with the administration's recent actions and beliefs on domestic spying, you should really be nervous now.
A Florida man was released from jail after DNA tests confirmed he was innocent. The man spent 24 years in jail for his crime and he's only 45 years old. Some folks are proposing there be time limits placed on the DNA testing of criminal evidence. How would those people feel if they had a loved one behind bars or on Death Row for crimes they did not commit? A majority of Death Row inmates are non-whites. Would folks make the same suggestions if every single inmate was white? Time limits on DNA testing is stupid, cruel, and inhumane.
In fact, when are people going to learn that anything that hinders our evolution as a society is stupid, cruel, and inhumane? Here's a short list: torture, child abuse, hate crimes, death penalty.
Here's the test: if it's an action or law that we'll be ashamed of in about 100 to 150 years, let's not do it today. After all, we freed the slaves, gave women the vote, and released children from dangerous working conditions in that time period. What are we not grasping here, people?
(And this was going to be a nice quiet entry, too...)
Distance: 3.24 miles
Time: 20:00 minutes
146 calories burned
Review of "Underworld: Evolution"

"Maybe one day, Hollywood will figure out that pouring acting-challenged starlets into black neoprene and sticking them in front of a blue screen do not a movie make."
Did a quick scan of the movies to be released in the first part of 2006. Ain't rushing out the door for any of them.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Got the Interview

If this website is to be believed, I burn 3162 calories a day (77 inches/250 pounds/44 yrs/lightly active), so why the hell ain't the pounds falling off? Grr!
Have other things to blab about, but I nuked myself at the gym tonight and feeling very low/slow right now, especially in the arms and neck. I stubbed my foot last night and keep waking up to the throb, so sleeping tonight is not going to be a problem.
100 stomach crunches
Distance: 5.08 miles
Time: 20:00 minutes
346 calories burned
WWCND?

- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
- As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
- A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Yawner
The Pittsburgh/Denver game was over by the time Deacon Jones was done threatening us at the beginning of the broadcast ("Watch the game or else."). The Steelers played flawless football and the two key interceptions by "Jake The Snake" Plummer (or as they foreshadowed in the pregame, "No Mistake Jake") sealed the deal.
Started to watch the Carolina/Seattle team and realized I didn't care who won. Maybe it's their butt-ugly uniforms that turned me off. Teal should be outlawed as a color.
You watch what happens. Pittsburgh is doing the Blues Brothers thing: they're on a mission from God to Get One for the Thumb. They will beat the NFC representative in Super Bowl XL in Detroit in two weeks.
By the way, Deacon Jones is 67 years old. He looks like he could still strap on pads and break a QB into tiny little pieces, so let's not bring up his inglorious guest starring roles in The Brady Bunch and Wonder Woman. He might eat us. Alive. He could, ya know.
Started to watch the Carolina/Seattle team and realized I didn't care who won. Maybe it's their butt-ugly uniforms that turned me off. Teal should be outlawed as a color.
You watch what happens. Pittsburgh is doing the Blues Brothers thing: they're on a mission from God to Get One for the Thumb. They will beat the NFC representative in Super Bowl XL in Detroit in two weeks.
By the way, Deacon Jones is 67 years old. He looks like he could still strap on pads and break a QB into tiny little pieces, so let's not bring up his inglorious guest starring roles in The Brady Bunch and Wonder Woman. He might eat us. Alive. He could, ya know.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
This weekend...

I'm not a fan of a particular football team. Baseball is another story (Cubs, A's, then everyone else). That was not always the case because I was trying to figure out who I liked way back in the 1970's. After jumping from bandwagon to bandwagon (Steelers to Raiders to Redskins to 49ers), I just got tired of the whole mess and decided it was too much emotional exercise and that I'll just sit back and enjoy the games for themselves.
But this weekend is different. I will be a Pittsburgh fan. I like their heart and the class and history of the franchise, and I want Jerome Bettis to get his ring as he rides off into the sunset of his professional playing career. There were many times last weekend the Steelers could have folded over and died, especially after the ill-fated fumble, but they kept it together and played as a team. So I'm rooting for them tomorrow.
(Hell, I even like Bill Cowher's chin. Have you seen that thing? It sticks out into the playing field when he stands on the sideline.)

If you watched last weekend's game, did you see how Jerome's sideline reacted to his fumble? Often, teammates are treated like outcasts during game-changing incidents like that, but everyone in the gold and black were going to the man and showing their love and respect. That's how you play the game
Go Steelers!
Distance: 5.05 miles
Time: 20:00 minutes
342 calories burned
Friday, January 20, 2006
Prison vs. Work

AT WORK: You spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON: You get three meals a day.
AT WORK: You only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.
IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must remember to carry around a security card and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You can get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON: You get your own toilet.
AT WORK: You have to share with a bunch of idiots who pee on the seats.
IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit. (Sometimes conjugal!)
AT WORK: Personal calls/visits are frowned upon.
IN PRISON: The taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON: You must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: They are called managers.
Distance: 7.11 miles
Time: 30:00 minutes
457 calories burned
248.5 pounds
Thursday, January 19, 2006
January 19th
Thinking of you guys today.
The Dance
Lookin' back on the memory of
the dance we shared
beneath the stars above.
For a moment, all the world was right.
How could I have known
that you'd ever say 'good bye?'
And now, I'm glad I didn't know
the way it all would end
the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain,
but I'd've had to miss the dance.
Holdin' you, I've held everything.
For a moment, wasn't I the king?
But if I'd only known
how the king would fall,
Hey, who's to say,
you know I might have changed it all.
And now, I'm glad I didn't know
the way it all would end
the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain,
but I'd've had to miss the dance.
Yes, my life, it's better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain,
but I'd've had to miss the dance.
The Dance
Lookin' back on the memory of
the dance we shared
beneath the stars above.
For a moment, all the world was right.
How could I have known
that you'd ever say 'good bye?'
And now, I'm glad I didn't know
the way it all would end
the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain,
but I'd've had to miss the dance.
Holdin' you, I've held everything.
For a moment, wasn't I the king?
But if I'd only known
how the king would fall,
Hey, who's to say,
you know I might have changed it all.
And now, I'm glad I didn't know
the way it all would end
the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain,
but I'd've had to miss the dance.
Yes, my life, it's better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain,
but I'd've had to miss the dance.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Limited Brain Cells

As I got older, those clichés and others from my mother fell into doubt, as those things tend to do when you become a teenager. Then I started spawning little Moores of my own and found the truth: kids can kill your brain cells faster than pure Everclear. I know I was a helluva lot smarter when I was younger, but today...not so much. Specifically today, in fact, because I know I had more brain cells when I woke up than I will have when I go to sleep tonight.
The day started good. I read the San Francisco Chronicle when I can because I like investigative reporting and so there's something to counter the right-leaning media messages that we're bombarded with on a daily basis (were you really surprised there were no WMDs?). Reporter C.W. Nevius made a minor mistake in this morning's column about there being no judge school, which, of course, there is. We had a quick little email chat and he was a nice guy about it.
Was at work for a while when The Bride called to tell me one of our angels got a job, which always good news. And it’s the local sex shop, specializing in lingerie, instruction manuals, adult DVDs, and all sorts of little toys. As God as my witness, I felt a string of atoms implode behind my left ear. And my right. It's not something you expect to hear, especially thinking back to the days when I stood over her crib just to watch her breathe. She's of age and she has a job, and Lord knows it'll be educational. And did I mention it’s a paying job?
I emailed a relation about the daughter's new job and her reply included the words, "sex toys." It brought back the feeling I had when my grandmother used the "f" word. A thousand more brain cells. Poof. Gone forever.
And everybody in the office had a really good laugh about the whole thing. Who could blame them?
(The daughter, who spent two months in the Navy, just told her mother that she had to "use the head" (sailor slang for the bathroom). Methinks someone should tell her not to use that phrase at her new job.)
Then at the end of the workday, I got a call from a mother whose children were removed from her home by Child Protective Services for whatever reason. I tried to explain she'd called an information technology help desk, not unlike calling Gateway or Dell, but she was pretty upset, in full vent mode, and not listening to anyone but herself. Twenty minutes later, I promised to forward her complaints to the appropriate folks, which I did. Because of the nature of the CPS business, there was absolutely nothing else I could do for her.
(BTW, if you want to read about the things that people do to kids, even in the Greatest Country in the History of History, here's something from the Best of Craig's List. Admittedly, it lists some extreme examples of abuse but, sadly, people really do this stupid shit to defenseless children. Not for reading at work, and not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach.)
After work, my guts were full of this phone call and the helpless feeling that came with it, so I went to the gym, got on a recumbent bike and punished it. Hard. It was the longest and hardest that I've ridden one of those things and I was merciless. And my nasty mood was not helped by the person in the bike next to me, yapping on her cell phone, totally oblivious to the angry glances from others at the gym who were actually there to work out. She finally got the hint and hung up. A few minutes later, I got off the bike and was too wasted to feel nasty anymore.
So here I am, dumber and wiser at the same time, reminded of the phrase: "The more I learn, the less I know." It's appropriate for today in some strange way. If someone can figure out how, please drop me a line.
Hey, I have a fan! Cool! Check out Pearl Fang when you get a sec!
Getting back to the brain cell thing for a sec, Aunt Lily might be interested to hear that running increases the number of brain cells. She is pretty smart, but I attributed that to heredity. Whoda thunk?
Distance: 8.25 miles
Time: 30:00 minutes
623 calories burned
Monday, January 16, 2006
Kindergarten

By Lorie Schaefer, courtesy of the Nevada Appeal (subscription required):
"Although I've been an educator most of my life, I came to kindergarten rather late in my career. Perhaps it is for that reason I have noticed that kindergarten teachers are really quite different from other teachers. However, I haven't been able to put my finger on precisely what that difference was. Until now.
You might be a kindergarten teacher if:
- You buy two pairs of running shoes a year and you don't run.
- You put 10,000 steps a day on your pedometer without leaving your classroom.
- "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" and the "Hokey Pokey" are part of your daily exercise routine.
- You wear seasonal clothing and jewelry that no "normal" adult would wear.
- An apron is part of your "professional attire."
- You use hand sanitizers like other people use perfume.
- You find yourself humming the days of the week song in the shower.
- You ask, "Did you flush?" and "Did you wash?" at least one hundred times a day.
- You wash your own hands 100 times a day.
- You thank God for whoever invented baby-wipes, Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and Velcro shoes.
- A daily review of coughing, sneezing and nose-blowing etiquette is appropriate and necessary.
- You have to remind your students not to write on the carpet. Or each other.
- You have added "booger flicking" to the list of classroom misdemeanors.
- You've used one of those little toilets in the last week.
- You fall asleep at 8:30 every night.
- You show up for your manicure with tempera paint and glitter under your fingernails.
- You go to every grocery store in town looking for alphabet macaroni and get excited when you find alphabet cookies at Costco.
- You buy zip-lock baggies by the gross.
- It takes you three times longer to prepare a lesson than to teach it.
- Your carefully written --- and rewritten --- lesson plans bear only a slight resemblance to what actually happens in class.
- You can sing a song, recite a poem or name a picture book to teach every standard in the kindergarten curriculum.
- You spend part of nearly every weekend and vacation at school.
- Your average sentence length has shrunk to five words and you repeat every one of them - every one of them - at least three times.
- You easily decipher those cryptic personalized license plates.
- You've made your own play-dough.
- All 29 of your students snap to attention when you say, "I like how Elliott is sitting."
- All your pants have one or more of the following: paint stains, bleach spots, faded knees or dusty footprints from students putting their foot on your leg as you tie their shoes.
- Your first thought when the weatherman predicts rain is, "Oh, no. Indoor recess."
- You recognize the irony in rewarding a large class for good attendance.
- You realize -- too late -- you didn't learn how to say, "Don't eat the glitter!" in your Spanish class.
- You stock up on Airborne, Echinacea and Vitamin C every winter.
- You know it's easier to go to work with a cold than to prepare for a substitute.
- You believe almost any art project is better with glitter.
- You've decided against botox injections because then you couldn't give "the teacher look."
- When a student with limited English calls a book's dust jacket a "sweater," you understand the confusion and smile as you explain it.
- You know precisely how many days you have been in school. And how many days you have left.
- You've resorted to puppetry to hold your students' attention.
- You spend at least as much time tying shoes as teaching the alphabet and it's not even on the report card.
- You know what standards are covered by stringing colored macaroni on a necklace.
- You know kindergartners need blocks, paint, play-dough, songs, stories and patience. And outdoor recess.
- You are so accustomed to modeling good manners that you thank your dog for not barking. You even thank the police officer for your speeding ticket.
- A trip to Borders always begins and ends in the children's section.
- You never go to the grocery store without buying at least one thing for school.
- During the course of your day, someone shows you -- and you get to compliment them on -- their new underwear.
- You work with the most spontaneous and unpredictable people in the world - 5-year-olds.
- Little voices singing "Home Means Nevada" can make you cry.
- You consider it a privilege to be a child's first teacher.
- You witness small miracles every day.
Lorie Schaefer teaches kindergarten at Seeliger, where she welcomed 57 of her favorite people back to school this week."
Pat Robertson Says Stupid Things

The 10 Stupidest Things Pat Robertson Ever Said:
10) "Over 100 years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that’s held our country together is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings." –Pat Robertson, on the dangers of judicial activism
9) "Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court." –Pat Robertson
8) "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." –Pat Robertson
7) "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor." –Pat Robertson, on "gay days" at Disneyworld
6) "(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." –Pat Robertson
5) "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." –Pat Robertson
4) "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." --Pat Robertson, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial
3) "God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.' ... He was dividing God's land. And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'" --Pat Robertson, on why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke
2) "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up" –Pat Robertson, on nuking the State Department
1) "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." –Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
Bonus Stupid Quote:
"Wait a minute, I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out,' and 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping." –Pat Robertson, clarifying his call to assassinate Hugo Chavez
Extra Bonus Stupid Quote:
"Is it right to call for assassination? No, and I apologize for that statement. I spoke in frustration that we should accommodate the man who thinks the U.S. is out to kill him." –Pat Robertson
"That was never in the Constitution, however much the liberals laugh at me for saying it, they know good and well it was never in the Constitution! Such language only appeared in the constitution of the Communist Soviet Union." –Pat Robertson, on the constitutional separation of church and state
"Well, I totally concur." –Pat Robertson to Jerry Falwell following the Sept. 11 attacks, after Falwell said, "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say: "You helped this happen."
And if you're a Christian, this might interest you.
Got my Snark on today.

Santa Clauses: Gymrats that come out of hibernation every January with dedication and fire in their eyes. These warriors resolve to lose weight and get in shape or be damned. They wear inappropriate clothes (ie: clothes that fit 20 pounds ago), neglect to wipe down the machines when they are done, and take up three lockers.
They usually return to their year-long nap sometime in February.
And, Sir, before you risk exploding your heart at the local exercise joint, may I suggest you take your blood pressure medicine first? The act of changing clothes in the locker room should not get you out of breath and red in the face. For the love of God, quit smoking and/or hanging around smokers, too.
Distance: 5.05 miles
Time: 20:00 minutes
345 calories burned
What a Game!

Went to a local sports bar yesterday to catch the end of the Steelers-Colts game. In an earlier post, I tried to sound all wizened and on top of the sports thing, then this weekend happens, where three of the four teams I picked to win...didn't. Thank you, Seattle, for saving my butt from the dreaded Golden Sombrero.
The game was well fought, though far from errorless, and the fourth quarter was so good that, unless you're an Indy or Steeler fan, you don't want two losers. And for the longest couple of minutes, I thought the big loser of the day would be Jerome Bettis, who deserved a far better fate that to fumble the ball on the two-yard line with seconds to play, and to have that fumble nearly returned for a touchdown and ending a game, a season, and Mr. Bettis' career (thank you, Ben).
One thing is for sure: Jerome would have handled the outcome far better than Indy's All-American QB, who took shots at his own defense after the game. [Edit: It was his offensive line, not the defense, that tic'ed off ol' Peyton. Dude, be a leader. Handle it in the locker room or those guys may be less inclined to protect your skinny little butt next time. Ask Joe Theismann how his football career ended.]
Time for some trivia. Last year's NFL divisional playoffs featured rematches from the regular season and the team that won in the 2004 regular won the rematch (4-0). It happened again this year, but things were a little different with three of the four teams that won in the 2005 regular season lost the rematch. Again, thank you, Seattle.
Off to the gym...
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Review of "40 Year Old Virgin"

Friday, January 13, 2006
Football HOF

Since I completely blew off the Baseball Hall of Fame ballot, which I would have gotten mostly wrong anyway, here's my take on the NFL Hall of Fame ballot. Before going there, here's my qualifications on the subject:
I'm a fan.
There you go. That's the single qualification anyone needs. A few years ago, I was pontificating and blabbering (as I am wont, obviously) on the subject of the called strike zone to a couple of people. Their response: "Have you played?" My (mental) response, "So what?" (mentally followed by, "How rude.")
I understand players, games, and leagues. I respect the no-win situation and professionalism of the good umpire/referee. I'm smart enough to know when an announcer loves the game more than himself (Keith Jackson) and when a play-by-play man should shut up and give his microphone to an articulate sixth grader (Tim McCarver - a bold thought would kill the man). And I comprehend the strategy and the personalities involved in the competition, and I intimately know the rewards and failures of hitching yourself to a star that may never shine brightly in the public eye (Cubs).
I read Sports Illustrated and The Sporting News, and browse ESPN.com on my 15 minute-breaks. I'm passionate to the point where I'll even indulge a few scarce minutes of an increasingly-shorter day to gather the best players available and try to destroy the opposition in fantasy leagues. I don't suck at it, either.
(Oh yeah: I spend money on tickets and memorabilia, too, although I admit up front that it does not give me the right to interfere with the game or piss off the players, even after bolstering my courage by quaffing a few brews, but that's another blog.)
So to those who say that we should walk the walk before we talk the talk...bite me. I'm a fan. I ain't no better or worst than the next sports jerk with an opinion and a few bucks. My thoughts and beliefs on the games and their participants, along with $6.00, will get you a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet." So give me a break and get over yourselves.
Here's the 2006 semi-finalists, courtesy of the NFL Football Hall of Fame:
- Troy Aikman - Quarterback
- Harry Carson - Linebacker
- L.C. Greenwood - Defensive End
- Russ Grimm - Guard
- Claude Humphrey - Defensive End
- Michael Irvin - Wide Receiver
- Bob Kuechenberg - Guard
- John Madden - Coach
- Art Monk - Wide Receiver
- Warren Moon - Quarterback
- Derrick Thomas - Linebacker
- Thurman Thomas - Running Back
- Reggie White - Defensive End/Defensive Tackle
- Rayfield Wright - Tackle
- Gary Zimmerman - Tackle
A committee will narrow this list down to six candidates. Of those, three to six new members will be inducted into the Hall later this year.
If Bob the Blob were to get a ballot (alphabetically by last name):
1. Troy Aikman
2. Harry Carson
3. L.C. Greenwood
4. Warren Moon
5. Thurman Thomas
6. Reggie White
Here is why some are and some are not on my list:
Aikman: QB'd three SBs. One of the hardest jobs in professional sports, if not the hardest, is an NFL quarterback. Roger Clemens and Randy Johnson do not have 300-pounders chasing them, especially ones that can run like gazelles. Magic and Larry could push the ball off on someone else every once in a while. Mario and The Great One took turns not skating with other hockey dudes (they're called shifts). A starting QB has to be the heart and soul of the organization while trying not to step on their dick and tear up their knees. Infrequently, one or two will ascend to that lofty perch of American Golden Boy. Joe was one. Elway. Brett. Dan the Man. Johnny U. Steve. And Troy.
(BTW, how many QBs with three rings are not in the Hall? Well, that Brady guy is still playing. The list is pretty slim after that.)
Carson: Class act and pure professional. He singlehandedly won SB XXI for the Giants.
Greenwood: Four rings with Pittsburgh. They might as well induct every Steeler with four rings and get it over with.
Irvin: Will probably go in with Emmett Smith to complete the Dallas Hat Trick. His personal history, arrests, mouth, and last year's drug "incident" don't help his chances at all, though.
Madden: Good video game. Smart commentator. Won a SB as a coach under Al Davis and the only other guy to do that should be in the Hall, too. Even so, Madden only coached ten years. There are coaches who've been in the game longer who have never seen the light of day on the ballot. That aside, I suspect this is his year, but he's not on my ballot.
Moon: Possibly the best QB never to win the big one. Oh wait. He won five Grey Cups in Canada. That's got to count for something (are you listening, Doug Flutie?). And he's from Nevada. I'm biased. Get over it. Again.
Thomas, Derrick: Life tragically cut short after ten years in the NFL. One of the best in the 1990s, but one of the best ever? Not this year.
Thomas, Thurman: How many SBs have you played in? In a row?
White: If you have to ask why he's on anyone's short list, then you're not a football fan. And he'd be first-ballot even if he were alive.
Zimmerman: He was the "D" in the Denver defense for many, many years. If I could have picked seven, he would have been the man.
Who do I think is going in? Aikman, Madden, Moon, and White.
------------------------
Since we're on the HOF subject, the saddest commercial I've seen in a while is where the sponsors have Joe Montana back in a uniform and pads, and he (or a stand-in) runs around the set pushing the product. Is Joe that hard up for a buck? Can we all take up a collection and get him back in the rocking chair on the porch where he belongs, please?
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Needing a Life
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Hitting the Mental Snooze Button

The Bride has been home for a couple of days now with a virus. She's been sleeping a lot which is the best thing for her.
Congrats to Cubbie Bruce Sutter who got into the Hall on his thirteenth frickin' try. That's one definition of mental torture.
Rant: Baseball writers once again show their ignorance in judging baseball character and expertise, and they continue to compare the players of yesterday to the players of today. In doing so, well-deserving guys like Andre Dawson, Lee Smith, Jim Rice and The Goose are still on the outside looking in. It ain't right and complicating things for next year's ballot will be the big debate concerning a former A's and Cardinals' first baseman, which will turn the focus away from the good guys on the ballot.
Might as well get started on the Mark McGuire argument now. The plus side: he brought baseball back after the Big Strike, homer king, respected Roger Maris and his family, all-around nice guy. Negatives: steroids, steroids, steroids. My prediction: Mark will eventually get in the Hall, but not next year.
Cal Ripken, Jr. and Tony Gwynn will be elected on the first ballot in 2007 (quite a stretch there in the prediction biz, I know). Watch for Tony to campaign for Jim Rice, who should have been elected this year. That'll be a classy Induction Day for the Hall, especially if Andre Dawson makes it, too.
Sammy Sosa will probably hook up with an American League team as a DH somewhere soon, but he's pretty much done as a full-time player and will have a very hard time getting in the Hall as a result of his diminished play.
Rafael Palmeiro, btw, will not play major league baseball again. Serious, would you want him in your locker room, especially the way he throws teammates under the wheels of the bus? He might as well formally retire (since he's informally retired) and set up an autograph table in Cooperstown next to Pete Rose on Induction Day. That's as close as he'll ever get.
Distance: 7.70 miles
Time: 30:00 minutes
528 calories burned
BBHOF
Completely spaced on this year's predictions, so here's hoping Andre, Bruce, and Lee get the call.
This Morning at the Nugget

Went to breakfast there this morning and saw interesting sights.
- They took out the gift shop in the northeast corner and are replacing it with an enclosed, smoke-free slot area. Good idea!
- As I was meandering through the main floor, a woman walks the sit-down video poker machines. She's not much of a looker, but this one senior citizen dude who should know better actually swivels in his chair and gawks at her. It was pathetically obvious and in poor taste. This is absolutely true: I almost smacked him with my newspaper. Sir, if you're going to gawk at the lovely ladies, be subtle. That's what peripheral vision is for. You're making it harder on the rest of us.
- Walked by a bank of television sets. On the left set, Sean Salisbury of ESPN Football is demonstrating a play in the studio. On the right, Sean is helping out on the live broadcast of Mike and Mike in the Morning. That is way too much Sean Salisbury for anyone.
- For the first time ever, I got a senior citizen discount without asking. WTF??!! Do I look 55? Aw crap! Back to the gym tonight.
Moving on...
In this morning's San Francisco Chronicle (the one that was almost used as an assault weapon), there's an article by another blinking idiot who doesn't have the brains to stay out of prison. Whoops. I mean, another fine member of the higher-ed community that advocates college education for inmates...just like me. Her experience and perspective on the issue nearly mirrors my own. It's a good read and here's the important sentence on the pros/cons about providing such services:
Once freed, parolees may well lack the resources (time, money, education) to support themselves any better than they did before they landed in jail. Nothing has changed but the year on the calendar.
This is what I tell people: "Would you rather they be on the streets with what they've learned from me or from what they've learned from other inmates?"
Monday, January 09, 2006
"Define 'interesting'."

Anyway, went to the gym after work and it was packed at 4:00 PM. Gold's Gym bought the Nevada Fitness franchise so there's a new bunch of testosterone-embedded members hanging at the place. It lent to a new atmosphere in the place: not so much relaxed, more angry than anything. It'll be this way for a few weeks, then, like water, it'll find a new level. Not better or worst; just different. Things change.
There's a bunch of new equipment including a fleet of bicycles for spinning. Am I that crazy? Where's my inhalator?
GEEK ALERT: If you have Google Earth, check out this out. I plugged in the coordinates in the story and the object in the picture does appear.
Are you a White Stripes fan? Do you like cute kittens? Here is your nirvana. Crank It!
Found an article on the internet where you can buy a video screen for your tombstone and it got me thinking. The daughters have a toy that gives a set response to a verbal question. What if the tombstone had voice recognition? You could program it to respond to certain people in a customized conversation. Heck, you can pretty much hold a conversation with someone you've know for decades:
Bill is visiting his wife Marsha's grave:
Bill: Hello, Dear. I still can't believe you're gone after all these years.
Marsha the Tombstone: I can't believe you had the guts to finally show up.
B: What are you talking about, dear? I love you.
MtT: The golf course must be closed.
B: Well, yes.
MtT: And what about Fluffy? How long was I in the ground before you got rid of her?
B: She missed you a lot. She ran away not long after you died.
MtT: Yeah, right.
B: I hated that damn cat.
This could turn into a decent story. Gonna mull on it for a while.
Watched all four playoff games this weekend. Had a point to make about organized violence here somewhere. Never mind. Anyway, this is what I do when I'm not doing school stuff now that the Fall semester is officially done. I've got to get a year-round hobby.
GEEK ALERT 2: True story follows. There was a time in desktop technology where processor were burning out because they generated too much heat and the PC fans and cooling systems could not keep up with the temperatures. PC manufacturers were selling tiny fans for overheating computer processor chips. This story is not a solution to that problem. Instead, it shows what happens when engineers have too much time on their hands and too little common sense between their ears.
Dumb joke of the day. Rated PG-13:
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone." The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE!!!!"
Distance: 7.15 miles
Time: 30:00 minutes
465 calories burned
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Instructions for Life

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the 3 R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stoke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Democrats and Republicans

Things Republicans Believe:
1. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is a solid defense policy
2. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
3. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
4. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s and John Kerry did in the 1970s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
5. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
6. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
9. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
10. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
11. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
12. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
13. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Things Democrats Believe
1. People who use drugs deserve compassion and understanding -- unless their drug of choice is tobacco.
2. Children can be exposed to years of violent and sexually-explicit imagery in popular culture with no ill effects, but an adult who is exposed to a racially insensitive remark is emotionally scarred for life.
3. Banning abortions will only drive them underground, but banning guns will make them disappear.
4. Teaching children about safe sex in school will make them sexually responsible, but teaching children about safe gun handling in school would make them violent killers.
4. The Enron accounting scandal is an indictment of free markets as such, but UNSCAM is no big deal.
5. An unemployment rate of 5.6% during the Clinton administration was unusually low, but an unemployment rate of 5.6% during the Bush administration is unusually high.
6. Successful government programs should be praised and publicized -- unless the program is welfare reform.
7. A work of art portraying Jesus submersed in urine is daring and avant garde, but a work of art portraying Mohammad submersed in urine would be bigoted and hateful.
8. George Bush invaded Iraq for the oil, but the many profiteers from the oil-for-food program opposed the war out of principle.
9. Janet Jackson's breast is protected by the First Amendment, but political advocacy ads are not.
10. Scientists and engineers can't build a safe nuclear reactor, but global warming activists can accurately predict the weather.
11. Education should be value-neutral, except for values like multiculturalism and environmentalism.
12. We need to move beyond 9/11, so we can get back to obsessing over Vietnam.
13. The Second Amendment does not protect the right to keep and bear arms, but the Fourteenth Amendment mandates race preferences.
14. Fetuses do not have rights, but animals do.
15. Parents should have a choice over whether their children are born, but not what school they attend.
16. American corporations outsourcing jobs to poor foreign workers is bad; taxing American corporations and sending money to foreign dictators who promise to give it to poor foreigners, but actually squirrel it away in Swiss bank accounts, is good.
A Letter from Your Friendly Tech Support

I think it might be time for those of you who work in the corporate environment to get a bit of a refresher on your IT departments unspoken rules. It seems a few of you have forgotten what it’s all about. This should provide as a reminder as to the inner workings of the corporate IT world.
1.They are all my computers; I am only letting you borrow them. People constantly laugh at me when I say this, with no idea that I am absolutely serious. I have been given the responsibility of every computer in the office; they are all under my auspices, bar none. if I am gracious enough to give you access to one of my computers, then be nice to it. Talk to it kindly, call it a nice computer, and occasionally pat the monitor. Your computer – and your IT guy – will thank you for it. Also, this applies to printers, the network connection to the outside world, the videoconference system, and the phone system. Mine. All mine. Get it? Good.
2. If you are going to use my stuff, then use it properly. This means LEARN ABOUT SPYWARE. If you absolutely HAVE to go to some site during work hours (and we’ll talk about this in a minute), then make sure, when the popups start showing up, you click the little black X in the upper right hand corner. Don’t click the big flashing “OK” in the middle. Don’t. Whatever it is you think you should do – if it’s not that little grey X in the uppermost right corner, don’t do it. Don’t. Just. Don’t.
3. We know. Yeah, that’s right, we know. Every little site you’ve gone to. All the email that passes through your computers. All the instant message chats you have. We know. All of them. So the next time you decide you just HAVE to visit some idiotic website with a movie of two guys and a chicken, the next time you HAVE to spam emails to all your friends about the cute guy you hooked up with the other night and he gave you chlamydia, the next time you HAVE to talk to your ex-girlfriend about hooking up one more time behind your fiance’s back, think twice about who might be reading that crap, and if you’ve pissed your IT guys off. Because we know.
4. Do not take advantage of us or our toys. It’s awful nice of us to provide you with a boatload of network storage space for your own private use. Oh, and incidentally, that network storage space at work? IT’S FOR WORK PURPOSES. That means take the seventeen gigabytes of mp3s from some hip-hop artist that you got from some peer-to-peer and GET THEM OFF MY NETWORK. I won’t ask nicely again. And listen to some real music – hip-hop sucks.
5. Learn to share. Look, I realize that the computer came with Windows XP. I don’t like it any more than you do. But really – that T1 we’ve got? It’s for everyone, so you can’t hog all our bandwidth by downloading the entire Fedora Core 3. Do it from home. If you want to bring it in to work and dual-boot your drive, I really don’t have a problem with it. But go back to kindergarden first and realize that hoarding is a bad thing, ok? Thanks.
6. The computer I let you use is for your use alone. This is somewhat malleable, where if someone at work needs your machine for a minute, you can let them use it. When your fourteen year old son comes to the office with you on Saturday and you let him use one of MY computers, then bitch to me about spyware, well, I’m just gonna tell you to bite me and spit in a cup. Sure, I’ll fix your machine, but after that you’re gonna have two icons on your desktop; “Go To Work” and “Go Home”, and “Go Home” won’t work until 5:30. Think I can’t do it? Try me.
7. Are you a Program Manager? Then keep your hands off of my computers. This is non-negotiable. You people could screw up a free lunch. Get away from them or I will stab you in the neck with a pencil.
8. Are you in sales? Please see #7. You people are worse than Program Managers. Drink bleach.
9. Are you in Engineering? I realize that most of you have forgotten more about hardware than I will ever know. This doesn’t really give you the right to attempt to overclock the PC I’ve let you use to Ludicrious Speed. Please use discretion. Attempting to eke out a few hundred more hertz is fine; requisitioning a Freon Cooling Unit because 3.06G just isn’t fast enough is a little overkill. Trust me.
10. Oh, so you have a laptop of your own? Keep. It. Off. My. Network. If I catch an unknown machine anywhere on my net (please see #3), I will mess that machine up so badly your high-school TI calculator will be a Beowulf Cluster compared to your new paperweight. Also, I don't fix home computers. Get over it.
11. If you want something from your IT Department, email is your friend. This is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but still – if you need something from me, email it to me. Don’t blindly call me, don’t magically materialize next to my desk and sit there while I’m working on something, waiting for me to pay attention to you – email it to me. I’m not doing anything for you until I have a paper trail originating from you about it. You can follow up with a phone call, that’s fine; you can come over and say, “I just shot you an email, can we discuss?” – that’s fine too. If you just come over and leer at me while I’m in the middle of something, I will ignore you, and mentally give you cancer with my mind.
12. Anti-virus software. Look, people, it’s there for a reason. Don’t try to shut it off, please? Can we at least agree on that? We spent a lot of money on that software so that it would be up and running all the time, and it’s not really my fault if you have fifty applications open and “the anti-virus software is slowing my machine down!!” So I’ll make a deal with you; if you don’t shut my anti-virus software on my computers off, I won’t shove an abacus straight up your butt. Ok? Good.
Following these 12 simple steps will make for a far more pleasing work environment. I guarantee it.
Thanks for reading.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Wow. A New Look. *Gasp* Moving On.

Changed shifts at work so I have to get there earlier and it's messed with my body clock. Used to get up at 0530 not have problems like this but now...it ain't fair. Some people can get up at 0430 and jog for miles and do some serious thinking at the same time. These people should either be (a) admired for their intestinal fortitude and serve as an example to us all on the joy of a fullfilled life, or (b) patted softly on the head and fed Cherry Garcia to slow them down. I'll pick (a).
While I adjust to the new work schedule, I cannot see my diet from where I'm standing, much less my shoes. I've fallen off the wagon and into the deep frier. For folks of my body type, "all you can eat" is as big a myth as "one size fits all." OK, I'll stop now, but I really do need an exercise buddy to inspire me through these low points.
And, paradoxically, I applied for a job at the university in the Big City which I have a decent chance of landing an interview. If I were to accept the position (after getting said interview, meeting the committee, going back for follow-ups, decide if the boss is good, etc.), then I'd have to get up earlier every day. On the flip side, the energy of the office and the $$$ would be worth it.
Got Bull Durham and, oy!, had completely forgotten how dirty that movie really is, but it does echo my love for baseball. I'm not an idiot or naive when it comes to the game, warts and all, but Annie Savoy and I see it the same way: it's a walking, hitting, catching American metaphor. And watching a good game is like, quoting the seer a la Sir Nuke, "It feels out there. I mean, it's a major rush. I mean, it feels radical in kind of a tubular sort of way, but most of all, it feels out there."
I don't generally buy baseball books because it's a game that reinvents itself every year. Folks have played the modern version for a hundred years but something new always happens. It's a cliche, but part of watching the game is the hope that you'll see something special: a no-hitter, four round-trippers by the same batter, a good fight. There's 162 regular season games involving thirty-something teams and every one is special. I'm sure it's different for the employees forced to go to every game, but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for me.
While we're on the subject, BD got a few things wrong, according to Jeff Merron of ESPN. Here's the entire article. For the record, Mr. Merron says there are 108 stitches in a baseball. If you Google for the number of beads in a rosary, 108 is a common number (there are those who say there are 108 names of God) but there's no definitive, "written in stone" rule. Sort of like religion itself.
And the article quotes a literary scholar on Walt Whitman's best thoughts on the game:
"[Whitman's friend Horace] Traubel had told Whitman that baseball has become 'the hurrah game of the republic,' and Whitman says,
'That's beautiful: the hurrah game! Well -- it's our game: that's the chief fact in connection with it: America's game: has the snap, go, fling, of the American atmosphere -- belongs as much to our institutions, fits into them as significantly, as our constitutions, laws: is just as important in the sum total of our historic life.'"
How many days to spring training??!!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Facts About Bob Moore
Rated "R" for language and imagery. You've been warned.
- Onions do not make Bob Moore cry. Bob Moore makes onions shit themselves.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Bob Moore allows to live.
- Bob Moore can slam a revolving door.
- Bob Moore once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
- When Bob Moore goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- When Bob Moore drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
- When Bob Moore was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Bob Moore!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Bob Moore could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Bob Moore and forgot to pay him back.
- Bob Moore played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
- Bob Moore can divide by zero.
- Bob Moore is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Bob Moore , and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
- When Bob Moore jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Bob instead.
- Bob Moore is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Bob Moore has two speeds: walk and kill.
- You are what you eat. That is why Bob Moore 's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
- Crop circles are Bob's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
- Bob Moore can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Bob Moore smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- Bob Moore has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Bob ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
- Bob Moore once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
- Bob Moore is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
- The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Bob Moore punched himself in the face.
- On his birthday, Bob Moore randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- When Bob Moore deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.
- If you were to lock Bob Moore in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Bob replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
- Bob Moore invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- When Bob Moore does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- Vin Diesel wishes he were Bob Moore.
- Onions do not make Bob Moore cry. Bob Moore makes onions shit themselves.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Bob Moore allows to live.
- Bob Moore can slam a revolving door.
- Bob Moore once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
- When Bob Moore goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- When Bob Moore drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
- When Bob Moore was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Bob Moore!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Bob Moore could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Bob Moore and forgot to pay him back.
- Bob Moore played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
- Bob Moore can divide by zero.
- Bob Moore is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Bob Moore , and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
- When Bob Moore jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Bob instead.
- Bob Moore is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Bob Moore has two speeds: walk and kill.
- You are what you eat. That is why Bob Moore 's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
- Crop circles are Bob's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
- Bob Moore can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Bob Moore smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- Bob Moore has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Bob ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
- Bob Moore once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
- Bob Moore is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
- The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Bob Moore punched himself in the face.
- On his birthday, Bob Moore randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- When Bob Moore deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.
- If you were to lock Bob Moore in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Bob replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
- Bob Moore invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- When Bob Moore does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- Vin Diesel wishes he were Bob Moore.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Monday, January 02, 2006
Snow Into Rain
Still Snowing...
Snowing
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Welcome to 2006

Here's a picture of the Carson City intersection mentioned in this Nevada Appeal article taken a couple hours after the worst of the water had gone away (it's a block away from our house). The Telegraph Street river was moving west to east (right to left in the picture) at a fairly good rate for a city road. It wasn't the only challenge on the west side of Carson; sand bags were put up all over the place, and crossing streets by foot and vehicle was a challenge. The west side of Carson Street, Roop, Curry and Saliman were all closed at one time or another due to water over the roadways. Those are the town's main north-west traffic arteries.
Regionally, the western Nevada/California mountain passes, including I-80, are still struggling to remain open. The Truckee River in Reno crested a few inches below the high crest mark made during the New Years Flood of 1997 and is now receding, though there is water damage through the Truckee Meadows. There's another wet front moving through tomorrow.
I'm a little ashamed that I didn't get out to help the neighborhood folks sandbag yesterday, but I was having my own kind of fun. Had a horrible night Saturday morning with my ear infection going into my sinuses, so I went out into the Carson City flood to find a doctor to examine my head. There are three urgent care centers relatively close and two were a few inches under water, and the third one was closed. So I had to choose bronchitis (I always get it when my sinuses fill up) or go to the hospital emergency room. Easy choice.
So for the fourth time in December, a Moore went to the brand-new hospital up on the hill. Nice thing about a six-inch-foot flood: people have to work really hard to injure themselves. Otherwise, they stay inside and don't do anything stupid. I was in and out of the ER in less than an hour with antibiotics and a nose spray. Went home, medicated myself, and crashed.
New Year's at the Moore's was understated to say the least. Daughters has a couple of friends over. We all woke up in time for midnight, toasted in the new era with carbonated apple juice, then we all went to bed.
Went driving around this morning to see the damage. The Carson Mall parking lot is one big muddle puddle and some streets are blocked off until the city can get some bulldozers in there to scoop up the mud. Otherwise, traffic and people seem to be moving on.
And in the category of "It's all about me," here's my 2005 summation:
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Stuck to a physical fitness routine.
2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Took more responsibility for losing weight. The minor success has inspired more resolutions.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Co-workers.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Grama. :-(
5. What countries did you visit?
California. It is its own special dimension.
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Black nano.
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory?
October 19
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Became a bicylist and a blogger. Pretty sad.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Didn't get a full-time job that mattered.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Had my appendix out
11. What was the best thing you bought?
IPod shuffle.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The Bush administration's's continued arrogance.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Credit card bills
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Nothing
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2005?
None.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Sadder
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Been a friend
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Ate
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With the family
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Stayed in love
23. How many one night stands in this last year?
365. (Does it count if they were with the same person?)
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Baseball
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes.
26. What was the best book you read?
Time Traveler's Wife
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
IPod Shuffle
28. What did you want and get?
Scrubs on DVD
29. What did you want and not get?
Best Buy gift card
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Serenity
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
44 - got older
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Mo' money - Less Bills
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Redneck Nevadan - blue jeans and leather coat
34. What kept you sane?
Doom
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most?
Joss Whedon
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
There's a long list there...but the lies about torture pushed my button.
37. Who did you miss?
My grandparents and my daughter while she was gone.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Don't think I met anyone new...
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
"Put your left leg, take your left leg out..." Not really. Hell if I know.
Bottom Line: 2005 sucked. 2006 will be better.
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