Football HOF

This day sort of snuck up on me. It was nearly 1300 before it dawned on me like a ray of light that today is the Thirteenth. A few minutes later, someone mentioned that Monday is MLK Day and we don't have to come into work. Didn't we just have a three-day weekend last week? We'll all enjoy President's Day in a month, then that'll be it on legal holidays until Memorial Day at the end of May. Yuck.

Since I completely blew off the Baseball Hall of Fame ballot, which I would have gotten mostly wrong anyway, here's my take on the NFL Hall of Fame ballot. Before going there, here's my qualifications on the subject:

I'm a fan.

There you go. That's the single qualification anyone needs. A few years ago, I was pontificating and blabbering (as I am wont, obviously) on the subject of the called strike zone to a couple of people. Their response: "Have you played?" My (mental) response, "So what?" (mentally followed by, "How rude.")

I understand players, games, and leagues. I respect the no-win situation and professionalism of the good umpire/referee. I'm smart enough to know when an announcer loves the game more than himself (Keith Jackson) and when a play-by-play man should shut up and give his microphone to an articulate sixth grader (Tim McCarver - a bold thought would kill the man). And I comprehend the strategy and the personalities involved in the competition, and I intimately know the rewards and failures of hitching yourself to a star that may never shine brightly in the public eye (Cubs).

I read Sports Illustrated and The Sporting News, and browse ESPN.com on my 15 minute-breaks. I'm passionate to the point where I'll even indulge a few scarce minutes of an increasingly-shorter day to gather the best players available and try to destroy the opposition in fantasy leagues. I don't suck at it, either.

(Oh yeah: I spend money on tickets and memorabilia, too, although I admit up front that it does not give me the right to interfere with the game or piss off the players, even after bolstering my courage by quaffing a few brews, but that's another blog.)

So to those who say that we should walk the walk before we talk the talk...bite me. I'm a fan. I ain't no better or worst than the next sports jerk with an opinion and a few bucks. My thoughts and beliefs on the games and their participants, along with $6.00, will get you a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet." So give me a break and get over yourselves.

Here's the 2006 semi-finalists, courtesy of the NFL Football Hall of Fame:

- Troy Aikman - Quarterback
- Harry Carson - Linebacker
- L.C. Greenwood - Defensive End
- Russ Grimm - Guard
- Claude Humphrey - Defensive End
- Michael Irvin - Wide Receiver
- Bob Kuechenberg - Guard
- John Madden - Coach
- Art Monk - Wide Receiver
- Warren Moon - Quarterback
- Derrick Thomas - Linebacker
- Thurman Thomas - Running Back
- Reggie White - Defensive End/Defensive Tackle
- Rayfield Wright - Tackle
- Gary Zimmerman - Tackle

A committee will narrow this list down to six candidates. Of those, three to six new members will be inducted into the Hall later this year.

If Bob the Blob were to get a ballot (alphabetically by last name):

1. Troy Aikman
2. Harry Carson
3. L.C. Greenwood
4. Warren Moon
5. Thurman Thomas
6. Reggie White

Here is why some are and some are not on my list:

Aikman: QB'd three SBs. One of the hardest jobs in professional sports, if not the hardest, is an NFL quarterback. Roger Clemens and Randy Johnson do not have 300-pounders chasing them, especially ones that can run like gazelles. Magic and Larry could push the ball off on someone else every once in a while. Mario and The Great One took turns not skating with other hockey dudes (they're called shifts). A starting QB has to be the heart and soul of the organization while trying not to step on their dick and tear up their knees. Infrequently, one or two will ascend to that lofty perch of American Golden Boy. Joe was one. Elway. Brett. Dan the Man. Johnny U. Steve. And Troy.

(BTW, how many QBs with three rings are not in the Hall? Well, that Brady guy is still playing. The list is pretty slim after that.)

Carson: Class act and pure professional. He singlehandedly won SB XXI for the Giants.

Greenwood: Four rings with Pittsburgh. They might as well induct every Steeler with four rings and get it over with.

Irvin: Will probably go in with Emmett Smith to complete the Dallas Hat Trick. His personal history, arrests, mouth, and last year's drug "incident" don't help his chances at all, though.

Madden: Good video game. Smart commentator. Won a SB as a coach under Al Davis and the only other guy to do that should be in the Hall, too. Even so, Madden only coached ten years. There are coaches who've been in the game longer who have never seen the light of day on the ballot. That aside, I suspect this is his year, but he's not on my ballot.

Moon: Possibly the best QB never to win the big one. Oh wait. He won five Grey Cups in Canada. That's got to count for something (are you listening, Doug Flutie?). And he's from Nevada. I'm biased. Get over it. Again.

Thomas, Derrick: Life tragically cut short after ten years in the NFL. One of the best in the 1990s, but one of the best ever? Not this year.

Thomas, Thurman: How many SBs have you played in? In a row?

White: If you have to ask why he's on anyone's short list, then you're not a football fan. And he'd be first-ballot even if he were alive.

Zimmerman: He was the "D" in the Denver defense for many, many years. If I could have picked seven, he would have been the man.

Who do I think is going in? Aikman, Madden, Moon, and White.

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Since we're on the HOF subject, the saddest commercial I've seen in a while is where the sponsors have Joe Montana back in a uniform and pads, and he (or a stand-in) runs around the set pushing the product. Is Joe that hard up for a buck? Can we all take up a collection and get him back in the rocking chair on the porch where he belongs, please?