Randomly Spewing

Woke up at 3:00 AM and am wide awake. Good thing I don't have to go to work. This is just a bunch of stuff thrown into a pot and mixed together for fun.

Briefly mentioned the traffic stop of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria in an earlier blog. As always, the media failed to publish everything, so the the officer's report can be found at the above link. The last sentence on page two reads, "Also during the stop, a group of AP's [Arrested Person; Tony Parker] entourage began to berate and provoke the officers at the scene."

Had a good night last night. Spent some quality dinner time with the family and went shopping. It was nice.

Long ago, in a place far away, there was a tradition in the house to read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" on Christmas Eve. Those days are past, but thank God there's the twisted humor of the internet:

Twas the Night Before Christmas, by Clement Clarke Moore

A Redneck Christmas

The Night Before Chanukah

The Night Before Christmas -- on the Tardis by Siobahn Morgan

Politically Correct Version of 'The Night Before Christmas'

Twas a Florida Christmas

Twas the Night Before Christmas (Legal Version)

Twas the Night Before Implementation

Twas the Nocturnal Segment of the Diurnal Period

The Al Bundy Christmas from the old TV show, "Married With Children".

Bad Asian Proverbs:
- Man who run in front of car get tired.
- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Man who scratches backside should not bite fingernails.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
- Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
- Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
- Man who breaks wind in church sits in own pew.
- Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

Worst Blonde Joke ever:
Blonde’s Year In Review:
January: Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February: Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels... "Hel-o"... bottles won't fit in a typewriter.
March: Got excited... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... box said "2-4 years!"
April: Trapped on escalator for hours... power went out.
May: Tried to make Kool-Aid... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
June: Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July: Lost breast-stroke swimming competition... learned later, other swimmers cheated - they used their arms.
August: Got locked out of car in rainstorm... car swamped, because top was down.
September: Lost a TV quiz show. The capital of California is "C"... isn't it?
October: Hate M&M's... they are so hard to peel.
November: Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108.
December: Couldn't call 911... "duh"... there's no "eleven" button on the phone.

Robert Heinlein is my favorite author. Here's his Rules for Writing:
1. You must write.
2. You must finish what you write.
3. You must refrain from rewriting, except to editorial order.
4. You must put the work on the market.
5. You must keep the work on the market until it is sold.

And then there's Groucho Marx: I find television quite educational. Every time someone turns on the tv, I go into another room and read a good book.

You can get a lot of internet browsing done in the middle of the night. :-)