A "Down On Me" Minute

I read the below entry about today's bike ride and was struck by how inwardly-focused it is, and maybe that's how I've survived this way for so long. There've been times in my life when things have sucked beyond measure and I've had to find coping skills to get me to tomorrow. It's not right or wrong; it's just me, but I acknowledge I lead a lonely existence. I've no friends except for those related to me by marriage or blood (they're stuck with me). I don't meet people for lunch. Folks do not have me over to their house to help them move furniture or paint a room or rake the leafs. I don't even know why I have a cell phone.

I used to have friends. Really. It's true. God knows I need a few now because there are many good points to have friends, among them being the necessary filter you need when you're misbehaving or acting poorly towards others. When you're selfish like me, you don't easily see the hurt you inflict on others with the throwaway sentence or not-too-funny comedic insult. This is probably one of many reasons why people don't call me...

This is why I envy people like this, despite their cancers and deaths. They've endured incredible heartbreaks of all kinds, but they're surrounded by love and hope and friendship. When it appears their lives would seem to suck the most, that's when their lives are at their absolute best.

I'll get over this "down on me" feeling soon, but in the meantime, I'd sure like to share a cup of java with someone other than the San Francisco Chronicle.