Burning and Fuming

Liz found Grama's scrapbook from when G. attended private school as a teenager (circa 1928), and it's full of photos, private notes, cutouts, and so on (weighs about eight pounds). Turns out that this respectable, upright citizen I've known all my life....well, I really don't know her. There are some empty cigarette packages and three or four dance cards, all filled up with boys' names. She had her poetry published in the school newspaper, acted in numerous plays and portrayed Friar Tuck at one point. What's unnerving is how much she looked like my mother, Aunt J., and Letty when she was a teenager. I probably shouldn't have been startled to see that, but there she is.

Sitting here, burning CDs for my class because WNCC Computing Services won't give me the keys to unlock the hard drives at the prison, so I'll be copying twenty frickin' data CDs for my classes. Until the keys thing gets resolved, I'll have to hand out these data disks at the beginning of class and collect them at the end. Needless to say, I'm in a peachy mood about that.

Doesn't help that I let myself get irritated by a rude person today. After working on papers, I hit the road to burn off some cabin fever and rode north on Roop (not for the faint of heart) and Winnie. As I was crossing the strip mall north of Safeway, this car was reversing out of a parking spot. As the driver was pulling out, the rubber "debris deflector" (?) under the front bumper snagged on something and was hanging off. I yelled at the driver to to stop because the deflector would go into the axel or engine when the car started forward. The driver turned out to be an elderly lady with more makeup on her face than common sense between her ears, it turned out.

I crawled under the car to find that the deflector was hanging onto the car by a single screw. After explaining the situation, she said to go ahead and pull it off because the car was messed up anyway. It was probably her husband's car, anyeay, but I gave the thing a good pull and it came off. She then said she was just going to leave it there, which she did. She got in her car and drove off without any sign of appreciation or gratitude and left this large piece of molded rubber right in the middle of the parking lot. I picked it up and took it all of twenty feet to a dumpster.

Someone once told me about the "Safeway Syndrome." You'll be in Safeway picking up groceries, and the sad fact is you have no idea what kind of life the stranger next to you is having. It's very possible this woman was having the worst day of her life and I have no way of knowing that. I suspect, though, I saw her as her normal self and I'm willing to bet big bucks she wears gloves when she takes a crap so nothing touches her dainty self.

After riding up to Big 5 Sporting Goods and finding nothing I need, I meandered on home in time to catch the end of the Red Sox game (10-1!) and their celebration over their entry into the baseball postseason. Their victory forces the New York Yankeees to travel cross-country to meet the Angels in Aniheim. My Cubs sucked and finished the season with a losing record, the first one in three years, and my fantasy baseball team will probably finish in second place. Not too shabby.

I left some important class stuff at the office and while I was out, I swung by McDonalds to pick up some parfaits for the family. I'm almost willing to sell a kidney or a daughter to anybody who can tell me where I can buy the yogurt they put in their parfaits.


Distance: 6.40 miles
Time: 37.07 minutes
297 calories burned
16 Days until the USN

Nothing much going on here

Sunday morning and watched Aunt Lily head home after a nice weekend visit. Got to show her my favorite routes around town, had some excellent vegetarian pizza, and a yummy buffet this morning with her, the Bride and the Depper. The latter two are off to the pool and I'm winding things up here.

Had my first ride of October. Went about fifty yards, then went back to the house for some flannel. Sort of breezed my way to the Nugget, then to work to grade some papers. Nothing strenuous. Watching the Red Sox/Yankee game over the internet and saw a long at-bat for Manny Ramirez which ended with him parking a three-run homer onto the center field tarp. Manny must drive Sox management absolutely nuts with his annual demand to be traded, which almost nearly happens, then he stays and takes the team on his back (A-Rod just filed out to right field for the third out - he's now 0-3 - $252 million).

Will probably hit the road here in a minute...

Distance: 2.20 miles
Time: 13:54 minutes
102 calories burned
16 Days until the USN

Just You Try To Take The Sky From Me

The below has spoilers for the movie Serenity.

A good movie sticks to you like flypaper: no matter how much you pull and peel away at the sticky stuff, it stays with you until you can wash it away. For me, Silence of the Lambs and Apocalypse Now are two that took a couple of days to wash away. Serenity may not belong on their Olympian lofts, but it's sticking to me, too.

When an entertainment franchise has a wide appeal, earns a big box office, and achieves great success, sequels are born. Critics bemoan them because subsequent efforts are often inferior to the original product, but human nature is such in that we want to see beyond the "happily ever after." It is our nature to identify with or simply enjoy a character or a cast of characters, and they become part of our collective consciousness. When they die for whatever purpose, it is a shock to the brain, and no matter what the writer does from that point forward, a void is created that somehow must be filled.

Serenity was born on television and has now transitioned to the big screen because we simply want to see what happens next. Here are the players:

- The Captain and leader of the wretched band of misanthropes.
- The First Mate, the Amazon warrior who doesn't hesitate to question the Captain's motivations or morals.
- The Engineer who can make the most stubborn engine purr while being as cute as a button.
- The Pilot, sharp in wit and quick in tongue.
- The Muscle who has a hair-trigger finger and temper.
- The Companion, the highly-trained and -paid courtesan and the class act of the crew.
- The Preacher, the father figure.
- The Doctor. He gave up everything to save his sister from the Establishment's iron-fisted grasp.
- The Mystery. She's the sister who was changed into an assassin by the Establishment and doesn't even know it, yet.
- The Good Spaceship Serenity. Take care of her and she'll last you a lifetime.

Joss Whedon, the movie's writer and director, shockingly kills the Pilot and the Preacher.

The Pilot represented the comedy relief of the group but he was more than that. The Captain and the Companion want a relationship but neither will forsake their pride or arrogance for the chance at happiness. The Engineer and the Doctor stumble around each other, but in the end find something worth developing. But transcending all this is the relationship between the First Mate and the Pilot: they were already the happily married couple when the series debuted, and their relationship and love was a rock when things were literally being blown apart around them. That is now gone.

The Preacher served as the Captain's moral sounding board. When he is killed, the Captain unleashes whatever restraints he had left (admittedly, very few) and becomes a part of the dark void he's been staring into for many years past. He murders, he desecrates dead bodies, he nearly destroys the Good Spaceship, and practically sacrifices those he holds dear to conquer the Establishment. But like a furnace that burns away the impurities in metal, he is strong enough to conquer the Evil inside him and finds that, without further losing his soul, there is a Higher Good to be held and He can be part of that Good. The Preacher probably knew all along the Captain was capable that and more.

The two characters that died best represented the Light and Good. The rest of the crew will have to find some of this within themselves, but I suspect they do not have far to go. The movie has a throwaway line about the Seven Deadly Sins and, perhaps not so coincidentally, the Captain's last speech refers to one of the Seven Virtues. I suspect he and the others already possess the strength to combat the Seven Sins:

- Humility instead of Pride: The Doctor, who gave up everything to stand by his sister and became a better person for it.

- Generosity instead of Greed: The Companion, who experiences the sin of Avarice in her everyday profession. Perhaps now she can give something of herself to her Captain.

- Kindness instead of Anger: The First Mate, but expect more of the Anger as she grieves and tries to move past the unjust murder of her husband.

- Self Control instead of Lust: The Mystery. She is still dangerous, but is now armed with the self-awareness and maturity she needs to focus her skills and use them only when needed.

- Zeal instead of Sloth: The Muscle. While he may not have understood all the reasons for it, he was ready to die because his Captain needed him. And he'll be there when (not if) circumstances call on him, again.

- Faith instead of Gluttony: The Engineer. She now knows all of the working engines and toys in the universe cannot replace the feelings she has for the Doctor.

- Love instead of Hate: The Captain, who finally understands that it acceptable to be human and to give a damn about a Higher Cause.

Hollywood and movie audience are fickle, so I can only hope and pray that the Good Spaceship Serenity and her crew travel on for many, many years. It will be a journey worth watching.

I Was NEVER Young Enough For Yesterday

Just a quick one because I get ready for lab. My brain is seriously fuzzed from the last 22ish hours.
- Got up early Friday morning for some reason.
- Spent the workday recovering from Thursday's ride and, oh yeah, working a little.
- Canceled class because...there was a good reason, wasn't there?...won't do that again.
- Drove to Reno for the 10:30 PM show of Serenity.
- Had pancakes at 2:00 AM at Denny's, and my digestive system is hating me for it even now.
- Didn't get to sleep until past 3:00 AM.
- Woke up at 9:30 AM. Why? I don't know.

Considered canceling lab, but that's just not right and fair to the students. I still feel guilty about canceling last night.

Will put down my thoughts about Serenity in a later blog. The San Francisco Chronicle gave it a good review, but their parental warning at the end is a classic:

"Advisory: This film contains violence, gore and profanity. By watching high-quality geek filmmaking, you run the risk of turning into a geek, which can be very expensive. (Did you think video cards were cheap? And did you think Adam West just gives away his autograph?)"

And again, way too many italics in this entry.

17 Days until the USN

Swing Low, Sweet Chariot

Kinda spacy this morning, an after-effect of last night. A long soak in the spa and white mocha hasn't helped much, but I like this loose, spaghetti-muscle feeling.

Since I'm not riding tonight, the book can be closed on September:

- Twenty-seven rides totaling 137.54 miles for an average of 5.09 miles a trip.
- 12:45:12 total time on the bike for an average of 28:33 minutes a trip
- 6,942 calories burned off for an average of 257.11 calories burned each trip.

These numbers are okay for someone at my novice level, except the stats become mediocre after subtracting the two longest rides (Bay Trail and last night). On the other hand, the overall numbers serve as something to beat in October, which will be a challenge in the changing weather. Good thing the winter riding clothes I ordered get here next week.

Serenity the movie tonight. And there's a sense of serenity in my soul right now.

18 days until the USN

Done...Well Done...Overdone

I'm writing this more than an hour after returning from the ride and just about everything hurts and/or aches: back, calves, left knee, right wrist, etc. etc. etc., and the manly yawns have set in, the kind that involve the whole body. Even the hair on the back of my neck has to stop and stretch in the middle of one of those bad boys.

And why, you ask, dear reader?

Distance: 15.17 miles
Time: 01:17:38 minutes
Average speed: 12.13 mph
919 calories burned

Check out those calories, baby! That's a personal deep-dish pizza, girlfriend. Two snaps around the world and a buttsmack for Bob! Can I get a "Halleleuh!" from the choir?!

Back to the literary thing. I was getting happy feet at work, eager to shuck the immoral coils of the hourly wage life and excise the poisons I'd had for lunch. When the clock hit 5:00 PM, I was out the door before the PC finished powering down. Got home, packed some fleece in the backpack, threw on a bright orange shirt, and booked.

Above is a Mapquest picture of Carson and the blue line is a lame MS Paint expression of my trip (if you want graphical beauty, call Danielle). I call this, "The Three Albertsons," but it's actually two Albertsons (north and south) and the 7-11 on east Highway 50. I skipped the third Albertsons because that would shorten the trip (silly me).

There's so much going through my brain about this ride that I want to remember but the flesh is weak. A quick recap:

- There's no such thing as a flat road in this stinking town.
- The old couple holding hands, with him gently helping her over the curb.
- Me yelling at a driver for cutting me off in the Fifth Street traffic circle. She was on a cell phone, natch.
- Being blinded in both eyes by a sudden sweat attack and doing a fast stop without seeing where I was going.
- The frozen air around the pond behind the Railroad Museum.
- Pushing hard on the pedals to get an end result I could live with. I could live with those stats any day.
- Finishing the ride by going up the Fifth Street hill and not really minding at all.
- The other couple at the south Albertsons playing and touching each other, and the woman following them, admiring them, telling me, "Now that's love."

One last thought: there's no way I would have gone as far or as hard if the usual afternoon wind had been blowing. The lack of breeze made all the difference in the world.

Going to bed now. Good night.


19 days until the USN

I'm A Baaaaad Boy

I've been really good on my diet but I got too hungry and gorged on a personal pan pizza from Round Table.

My punishment: The Three Albertsons Ride. Yep, gonna touch all three Albertsons in Carson. Will probably leave around 5:30 PM and not make it home until close to 8:00 PM.

That'll show me.

Riding On Empty

Having a low-powered day; no riding of any sort this morning because common sense says the body needs a little recovery time from long rides. Dunno if yesterday counts as "long," but what the heck. My legs want to rock and roll, though, so I'll probably go out tonight and work off some energy and calories.

Got nothing more to add, so that's all for now.

19 days until the USN

Bone to Wide

The workday ended, and it was me and Dollar for the road. The afternoon was bright and warm, and I was motoring around town in a t-shirt and shorts, scaring children and dogs with my lily-white skin, but I didn't care. It was a great ride up the college hill which is getting easier after the third time.

And my fitness routine is working a little. Somebody today said I have "chicken-legs," which could be viewed as an insult, but I'll take all skinny innuendos I can get.

The above picture from August 2005 is courtesy of Chris and is probably the biggest gathering of our relations since 2001. Going left to right:
- Elaine (Aunt Lily)
- Uncle Mike
- Billie the Navigator (Mike's sister)
- Dr. Robert, Billie's husband
- Cousin Chris, Elaine's oldest
- Cousin (Dr. Dr.) David, Elaine's youngest
- Danielle
- Trina
- Lara
- The Bride
- Uncle Frank, Elaine's brother-in-law
- Your humble writer, Bob the Blob

They are the brightest people I know, without exception, and a good group of people.



Distance: 8.00 miles (12.8 total today)
Time: 43:38 minutes (01:07:18 total)
417 calories burned (693 total)
20 days until the USN

The Frozen Chosen One

Cold, cold ride this morning (35 degrees on the bike computer). Woke up before 0500 after getting to sleep after 0000, yet had the uncontrollable urge to ride. The Bride and I spent some time getting lights on my bike because it was still pitch black outside when I hit the road. A sweater, two shirts, sweat pants, and a stocking cap kept the cold out except for places that were exposed (neck, fingers, etc.), so I was pretty well frozen by the time I got to Raley's via Curry. After two minutes inside there, my frozen sweat melted then froze again when I rode to the gym. Soaked in the spa for a long while.

Work is interesting. We're getting a new phone system and there's workmen right next to my desk tearing down temporary walls and reconfiguring rooms to make more offices. We're on a help desk that lives/dies by the phone, and the construction dudes are making a lot of noise. At least it's keeping me awake.

And somehow I gained four pounds over the weekend. Time to get a new scale.

Edit: Wow! - From CNN Breaking News: "House Majority Leader Tom DeLay indicted on one count of criminal conspiracy by Texas grand jury, according to Travis County clerk's office."


Distance: 4.80 miles
Time: 23:45 minutes
276 calories burned
20 days until the USN

[Post Deleted]

Should not be allowed near a keyboard when I'm pissed.

Apologies, all.


Three weeks until the USN

The Found Weekend: Monday

[Writing these entries after the weekend, so everything I want to remember won't be here, but not gonna let that hold me back. I'll post them around the day and times they happened so it's easier on my brain and the character maximum on Blogger is not at risk. You'll want to read these from the bottom up.]

Woke up, all bright and shiny and ready to get back to Carson. Got the truck all packed up and Dollar out of bike purgatory and was about to put the truck in reverse...

...when a kind soul pointed out we had a flat tire. Again.

For those of you keeping score at home (or if you're alone), that would be three flats on cars and one on a bike. Liz had the brains to bring "fix-a-flat" in a can, so we were able to make it to our old friends at Firestone Tires, where we waited ninety minutes for them to fix the tire (including thirty minutes when they did nothing with the truck in the bay and the hood up and no other customers). After they finally dropped the hood and relieved us of $32, we got on the road and had a completely uneventful drive home.

Had class last night where we did a worksheet in class, then came home, put my head on the pillow and crashed.

22 days until the USN

The Found Weekend: Sunday Night

[Writing these entries after the weekend, so everything I want to remember won't be here, but not gonna let that hold me back. I'll post them around the day and times they happened so it's easier on my brain and the character maximum on Blogger is not at risk. You'll want to read these from the bottom up.]

BASEBALL!

Elaine and Mike took me to my first A’s game a couple of years ago when the team was playing the Texas Rangers. A-Rod was still with them and the ink on his ridiculous $252 million contract was barely dry at the time. We sat behind some tattooed gangbangers and we all gave Alex a bunch of crap the entire game. It was a great day.

Tonight's game promised to be more fun because it was the Rangers, again, and the A's were fighting for their postseason lives. Our seats were perfect: right behind the visitors' dugout, close enough for me to spit in Buck Showalter's left eye. One of my baseball heroes, Orel Hershiser, is the pitching coach for the Rangers, and Kenny Rogers of mini-cam infamy pretty much stayed involved in the entire game, despite pitching the previous night. I sat down and didn't get up until the seventh inning stretch.

And I wish I could say good things, but here's the bottom line:

The A's choked away their postseason in that game.

Here's the Chronicle's article about the game and this paragraph is the final nail in the coffin:

"[Eric] Chavez and [Nick] Swisher were a combined 0-for-8, and there was nothing pretty about it. Both made crucial outs in two-on, no-out situations. Chavez popped out in the eighth after Kendall and Kotsay opened with singles, and Swisher struck out in the ninth after Jay Payton doubled and Johnson walked."

There is the age-old rationalization that everyone uses in this situation: "We wouldn't even had been in that situation if (Player X) hadn't got us there." And there's a grain of truth to it, especially for the A's. They were sucking this season and 3B Eric Chavez got tired of it. In a moment that will live in A's history, he stood up in the team bus one day and let everyone know his thoughts on the quality (or lack thereof) of their play. From that moment, the A's played better, especially after some key teammates came back from the DL.

On the other hand, what Chronicle didn't say that Chavez swung and flied out on the first pitch in a key situation and killed the rally and probably the A's season. I've said this a dozen times and have taken the heat for it: Pitching Wins and Good Pitching Will Always Beat Good Hitting. The A's had ten hits the entire game, and men on third base with no outs twice, but suffered when they kept swinging at first pitches.

The math is easy. Ten hits + two runs = bad hitting + good opposing pitching.

All that aside, the call that changed the game was when Rangers catcher Rod Barajas successfully argued a strikeout and got the call changed to a foul ball. Two pitches later, Barajas hit a three-run homer. I was impressed by the home plate umpire who discussed the pitch with his colleagues, and they all agreed it was a foul ball. In the old days, there would have been no discussion and the call would have stood. A kinder, gentler baseball.

Even though the A's lost, it was still a great day to be at the park. The company was perfect, the weather was outstanding, and everything was just fun. A bad day at the park almost always beats a good day at anything else.

23 days until the USN

The Found Weekend: Sunday Morning

[Writing these entries after the weekend, so everything I want to remember won't be here, but not gonna let that hold me back. I'll post them on the day and times they happened so it's easier on my brain and the character maximum on Blogger is not at risk. You'll want to read these from the bottom up.]

Sunday morning:

Got up bright and early because sleeping comfort was not to be found on the granite slab. Went downstairs to take advantage of the sumptuous morning buffet offered by this peachy-keen Holiday Inn Express that separates a man from his horse (or bike). In the other hand, they offer heated pastries and free coffee so I forgave them (though not in Dollar’s presence).

Got Dollar out of the closet and headed over to Aunt Lily’s for breakfast and a ride. She and Uncle Mike have this odd fixation on breakfast cereals: they got enough to stock a 7-11. She listed them all (ten different kinds?) and I naturally picked the first one. We reminisced for a while and got mutually angry at the Republicans until Liz joined us. She wasn’t feeling too hot and had a sore throat, but she motored on like a real trooper. She took our picture (above) before heading back to the room for rest and Orange Juice.

Aunt Lily and I hit the road and what a day on the Bay Trail! No wind, perfect temps, and good company. Down Bancroft (or was it Dwight?), north along the Berkeley Aquatic Park, across the pedestrian bridge, then north along the bike trails through the Golden Gates Fields Racetrack, past the hills of El Cerrito, and into the shorefront of Richmond. Passed and got passed by numerous bikers and joggers enjoying the day and sucking in the exhaust of the adjacent interstate, but it’s not a perfect world.

At Marina Park, we took pictures of each other and of the Rosie the Riveter Memorial, which is sadly overgrown with weeds in spots. The women honored by this memorial changed the modern workforce and probably started Women’s Lib decades before it became an everyday phrase.

We headed back to the house and we carbo-loaded (French Toast) after easily the longest bike ride I ever took. It felt damn good.

Distance: 17.10 miles
Time: 01:51:47 minutes
692 calories burned
23 days until the USN

The Found Weekend: Saturday Afternoon

[Writing these entries after the weekend, so everything I want to remember won't be here, but not gonna let that hold me back. I'll post them on the day and times they happened so it's easier on my brain and the character maximum on Blogger is not at risk. You'll want to read these from the bottom up.]

Booked out of lab and headed home for some quick packing and heading out the door. Loaded Dollar in the bed of the truck for some California riding. Lab ended at 1500ish and we were rolling at on High395 by 1600ish. We had a good drive to Berkeley and arrived around 2045ish. What stuck in my mind:

- Street Vibrations is the area's local hogcall, and the turnout is so massive, the Nevada Department of Transportation stops all road construction projects in northwestern Nevada so there won't be any traffic slowdowns. Many of these boys and girls have no problem passing cars at 70+ MPH and driving around them with they ride in formation is nerve-racking because there's little room for error. They faded away as the night settled in. Guess there’s a limit to their insanity.

- There used to be a series of trucker-friendly highway signs on the downward slope of the western Sierras that warned the big haulers about down-shifting and cooling off their brakes. They’re long gone in this era of fiscal belt-tightening and that’s a shame because they added a tone of friendliness to a long stretch of road.

- Probably the most sobering sight was on a trailer bed between Reno and Boomtown: three desert-camouflaged, combat-armored Humvees which were probably on their way to Travis AFB to be flown to Iraq. Those vehicles will probably be protecting our kids from gunfire and shrapnel inside a week.

- What is it with people who drive in the dark with only their parking lights on? On an interstate highway? At 70+ MPH?

We got our room and the usual Fred Flintstone Special: a queen-sized bed with the comfort of granite. Dollar spent the night in the electrical closet because management doesn’t allow bikes in the rooms. Guess they’re afraid we’re going to ride down the halls and stairs.

24 days until the USN

The Lost Blog

[I wrote this Saturday afternoon in lab, then didn't get to posting it until Monday night. The date/time of the writing is accurate, though the posting was not timely.]

Woke up this morning and was off-sync: nothing felt right and I was just plain crabby. I yanked my sprained wrist yesterday and thought maybe that was the cause, but realized several hours later that my mood was probably affected by the overcast cloud cover. I've gotten so used to waking up and riding in the bright light that I've become a sun child. That is probably why when I walk into the office in the morning (no windows), I feel like I'm facing a firing squad. This is going to be a long winter.

Did some last-minute shopping for the trip (munchies, mostly) and noticed precipitation coming down on the mountains directly to the west. Discussed taking the chains with the Bride, but we're fairly sure things will be okay (but we're getting a tarp for my bike). Did some token packing but most of what I want to wear is in the dryer, so that's why I went out in the crisp weather in shorts. I'm in lab now, wearing a sweater and thick pants. Welcome to the first week of Fall.

The family was watching Xanadu last night, which is on my list as one of the worst ever made (what was Gene Kelly thinking?!). Olivia Neutron-Bomb is easy on the eyes, but most of the acting is wooden, the plot is leadenly predictable, and the soundtrack is disco music long after disco was dead and buried. So how did it get in our house? The Bride likes it a lot, and being married means you make allowances for temporary insanity, which is why I got her the soundtrack on an album when we were first married...followed by cassette...and CD. And she has the movie on VHS...and DVD. In all, I must $80+ on that stinking movie. Writing that last sentence has me wondering who is the insane person in this relationship.

Plugging my way through Faithful, Stewart O'Nan's and Stephen King's diary about the 2004 Red Sox season. They're artful writers (no surprise) who make this reader feel like I was in their frontal lobe as they live and die with their favorite team. I'm already chewing my nails off just from the first two season meetings with the Evil Empire and will probably be speeding through the last few chapters that cover the postseason and perhaps the greatest comeback in sports history.

Had a random memory in lab after feeling a fan blowing air on me. One summer long ago (1976?), I had to stay with family friends and we all went to Lake Lahonton, which is a remnant of the prehistoric ocean that used to cover the western United States. I don't remember using or even thinking about sun lotion, but I got the worst sunburn of my life (and that's saying something). The only way to feel comfortable was to sit in front of a circular fan, so even nearly thirty years later, that's what I think of every time I sit near a big fan. (BTW, that burn wasn't nearly as bad as Danielle's from way back when. She gets the record as the worst sunburn I've ever seen.)

So today’s blog entry is brought to you by Ol’ King Sol, lifegiver to my favorite planet and source of the gravity well I call home. And look…it’s out right now. The day just got a 100% better.

"He's the Man."

I finally broke down and bought this silly jersey. If it doesn't fit when it gets here, it will by the spring, so help me, Waist!

Finished tonight's class and dismissed my students without a chance of anyone landing in the hole, which is an improvement. They still don't have all of the class materials they need, but they didn't need them tonight. I will be calling WSCC on a daily basis next week.

This absolutely slays me. Please don't tell anyone in the White House. It'll give them ideas. Thanks, Aunt Lily.

BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000.

"This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Shalac, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."

The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.

"Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it."

The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana. However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans.

"This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made twenty-five million dollars in pure profit."

"This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again."

"The money gained from 'The Louisiana Refund' is expected to be immediately pumped into the rebuilding of Iraq.

And I'm the Man of the House and have the song to prove it! (WARNING: Not for dial-up unless you want to wait a long time.)

Addition to the Desert Island Book List: How could I forget The Godfather by Mario Puzo? And if the island has electricity, The Godfather Trilogy is going, too.

"It's not Time that makes us Old."

Haven't been able to upload images onto Blogger lately, so here's what I would have used if things were working. The busses was my first choice (third row) and Tom DeLay was next (second row from the bottom). The one about Bush buttoning his own shirt is hilarious (tenth row; about in the middle of the page).

Wish I had something literary, thoughtful, or snappy to offer, but truthfully, I just want to get through the day so Liz and I can enjoy a mini-vacation in the Bay Area. The mental recharge will be great.

The Bride and I went to dinner and a movie last night because she needed some serious escapism. Just Like Heaven was okay and fairly formulaic, but sometimes you need a movie like that just because. Reese Witherspoon looked like she hadn't eaten all month, not unlike the look Meg Ryan had before she faded away. One funny thing about the movie were the names of the significant female characters: Elizabeth (the mostly dead character played Reese), Katrina (neighborhood skank), and Laura (male character's dead wife). No Danielle's or Bob's mentioned.

Speaking of which, the USN countdown below is moving too damn fast.

Is this cruel or cute?

And this is plain cute.

Lara posted a great t-shirt on her blog at her Greatest Journal (not attributed, but the link was courtesy of Dear Ol' Dad). Here's another good one.

Lastly, per IMDb, "the Rocky Horror Picture Show and this movie are traditionally shown to incoming Harvard University freshmen. (answer)" Be afraid.

Stationary Bike:
Distance: 4.48 miles
Time: 20:00 minutes
252 calories burned
25 days until the USN

WOF Hates Me

A slacker morning so far. Took the day off to work on class stuff and will be inspired soon. In the meantime, listening to iTunes and doing some recreational surfing and drinking down my daily 2.2 liters of water.

The latest fad in casino marketing is slot machines with a TV show or movie motif. Some are ingenious and well detailed, like the Star Wars machines, and some are just plain spooky (Gilligan's Island). One of the earliest machines, if not the first, is Wheel of Fortune, based on the show hosted by Pat Sajak and what's-her-name. The casino version is a regular slot machine with a rotating wheel that awards money when you get the right icon on one of the spinning wheels.

I am not a gambler by habit because I think gaming is for suckers. Over the long and short run, the house is going to win. Period. Get over it. There are more fun ways to lose the money, but I do succumb every once in a while and, frankly, WOF hates me. I have never succeeded at that silly machine, but still we battle. Two or three times a year, I'll drop $5 in a machine and watch it disappear, sometimes without a single hit. Gave it another try this morning...

...and...

Nothing. Not a single stinking hit. I might as well as set fire to the Abraham Lincoln or, better yet, sent it to the Red Cross. In fact, I'll do that next time I'm so stupidly tempted.

So I'm driving home and had one of the most surreal coincidences in my life. Sitting at the corner of Williams (Hwy 50) and Roop in front of the Carson City Community Center, waiting for the light to change, and got to reminising about all the times I worked the graduations for Western Nevada Community College. The Center is the only place in town for such an event. As I was mulling, the morning sports guys on the radio were talking about their new trivia contest. The music they were playing in the background: "Pomp and Circumstance." Very weird.

This is hilarious for some reason:

"MORE SPORTS RESULTS: The Beverly Hills Freudians tied the Chicago Rogerians 0-0 last Saturday night. The match started with a long period of silence while the Freudians waited for the Rogerians to free associate and the Rogerians waited for the Freudians to say something they could paraphrase. The stalemate was broken when the Freudians' best player took the offensive and interpreted the Rogerians' silence as reflecting their anal-retentive personalities. At this the Rogerians' star player said "I hear you saying you think we're full of ka-ka." This started a fight and the match was called by officials."

A Night with Rorey and Ryno

As promised, I shucked my office gear and was on the bike by 5:30 in a glorious September evening. No wind, perfect temps, and a boatload of cabin fever to work out of the system. Up Mountain and down Washington to the Bike Shop, then generally north to College Parkway to check my mailbox. Down College Parkway at 31.2 mph and south to Mountain and home. Riding outside is so superior to stationary bikes.

Swung by the Air Force recruiter's office on the way home and spoke some lingo with TSgt Rorey. It was fun to remember the good days in blue, but I'm too old and fat to go back. Ah well.

Funny story: I entered an automatic fantasy football draft on Yahoo! Sports just for fun, but abandoned the team because, well, they sucked. I was doing some research on players this week and looked in on my team. They're number one in their FFB league (!) and my Yahoo! fantasy baseball team is in first place, too. On the other hand, my "real-life" FFB team is in last place. Life is balanced, I guess.

Found out that the best second baseman ever (sorry, Joe) does a baseball column for Yahoo! Sports, so I dropped him the below email.

"This is a long overdue fan letter. No response is needed or expected.

I am not a life-long Cub fan, but I became one with good reason. My wife and I were married in 1983 and we were stationed at Offutt Air Force Base, just south of Omaha, Nebraska. As newlyweds, we searched for common ground to build a future on, so it's probably no surprise to hear that we got into the habit of watching the Cubs and listening to Harry and Steve on WGN. Hearing Van Halen sing "Jump" today brings back a load of memories, including some about our baby who was born in 1984. That was a good year for us, too.

And here we are, twenty-something years later. The bride and I are still together and living and dying with the Cubs, and that 1984 baby is a woman now and is leaving for the United States Navy in October.

I wanted to say, "Thank you," for your team's part in being there as we built a family and congratulations on your entry into the Hall of Fame.

Bob

PS: We transferred to Japan in 1989 and I climbed Mt. Fuji in 1990. I proudly wore a number 23 Cubs shirt to the summit.

Take care."


Distance: 7.0 miles
Time: 42.02 minutes
321 calories burned
27 days until the USN